


Loneliness

by morganaDW (morgana07)



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Evil Misha, Happy Ending, Homophobic Language, Hurt Jensen Ackles, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Light Angst, Love, M/M, May contain triggers, Misha is a jerk, Mpreg, Past Abuse, Post Mpreg, Protective Jared, Shy Jensen Ackles, Supernatural Reverse Big Bang Challenge 2015, implied bottom Jensen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-05
Updated: 2016-02-05
Packaged: 2018-05-18 05:28:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 25,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5900086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/morgana07/pseuds/morganaDW
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen Ackles believed he had everything he desired. A career he enjoyed, a home with the man he loved, and a future to build on. Then Jared was deployed and it all fell apart.</p><p>Now he was pregnant and alone but still with hopes of that future until hurtful lies send him running and Jared must struggle to put the pieces together in order to keep his family together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Author Note: First, this is my submission for the 2015 SPN Reverse Big Bang on LiveJournal so let me say thank you to the wonderful artist who created this awesome piece of art. etoile_etiolee created this as well as the dividers so thank you for your art and for letting me write for you.  
> Now be sure to read the warnings, tags, etc. I'm sure I'll add a few more tags as they come to me.
> 
> Warnings: implied mental abuse, implied past physical abuse, might contain triggers (not sure but the warning is out there). This story does contain Mpreg, it also contains a dark, jerky Misha so be aware of that now. I'll also say now that while sex happens it's more of an implied nature and not shown (yeah, I know but that's just the way it worked out).
> 
> Beta'd By: lotrspnfangirl and AsteMcCann_JustaShadow
> 
> Disclaimer: Art is by etoile_etiolee. The story is based on her art and that comes out of my brain.

 [](https://imgbb.com/)

 

**Loneliness**

**Chapter One**

“‘ _He won’t want you or that baby.’”_

_“‘You don’t know anything. He said he loves kids and that we’d talk about starting a family once he was finished with this last tour of duty.’”_

_“‘Sure. He adores kids and he might’ve considered adopting_ _,_ _but he’d never want that thing you tricked him into knocking you up with.’”_

_“‘I didn’t trick him! I didn’t know I carried the gene that allowed me to get pregnant! By the time I did, he’d shipped out and there was no way to reach him!’”_

_“‘Jared’s been lied to by other guys like you, Ackles. Guys who want to use him for either his body or the money his folks have. You slipped under his guard with how innocent you acted and played right into Jared’s need to protect. But he ain’t stupid. He’ll see you for the liar and freak you are! He’ll toss your ass outta this place!’”_

_“‘I never lied to him or tricked him! I love Jared too much to do either of those things! As soon as he comes home, I’ll tell him, but I didn’t want to drop it on him in a letter or over the phone even if was able to call him!’”_

_“‘He’s been back in the States for almost three months, hotshot! He found out about your little trick and is just waiting for the brat to be born so it doesn’t look like he’s kicking a pregnant guy out on the streets. He’s staying in Houston with someone he met overseas.’”_

_“‘…No. That’s… just not possible. Jared wouldn’t come back and not…and not tell me. He-’”_

_“‘He found out about all your lies, Ackles. He found out that you were just using him and that you probably planned to just pawn this genetic nightmare off as his when it’s probably some other sucker that you fucked!’”_

_“‘That’s a goddamn lie! I never cheated on Jared! I’ve loved him even before we moved in together as roommates and this is his baby! Why the hell are you even here, Collins? This is between Jared and me, not you!’”_

_“‘He’s been my friend since grade school! I was his friend long before he joined the Army or even decided he was gay! Jared knows who he can trust. He might still be too soft-hearted to kick your pregnant ass out of his place, but that’s why he called me! He told me to take care of you and that’s what I’m here to do!_ ’”

The rest of the loud, bitter and hateful argument between himself and Misha Collins still had Jensen Ackles’ head spinning as he tried to make sense of what had just happened and how something that had been so good, could have gone so terribly bad.

Jensen had been living in the condo owned by his best friend and fiancé, Army Lieutenant Jared Padalecki, for three years ever since Jared had asked him to move in with him after Jensen’s ex had not only left him, but stolen everything he’d had.

The two had met in college and while there was three years age difference, as well as other differences that left very little in common, the two still bonded over a shared interest in photojournalism and became good friends.

They’d stayed friends even after college but when Jared joined the Army they drifted apart and Jensen spent his time trying to find a career in photography, despite his clingy and jealous boyfriend’s demands and his parents dislike of his homosexual lifestyle.

At 6’1” with a lean, natural build of someone that would have been an athlete if it hadn’t been for a rare heart problem that kept him sick for most of his childhood, Jensen had struggled to make a life on his own. He was often too trusting and naïve for his own good and he learned that lesson the hard way, swearing to never let happen again.

Moving in with the 6’4”, broad shouldered military man wasn’t something Jensen had planned on after he and Jared had reconnected with the help of a mutual friend. He most certainly had never planned for the move to be long term, or to ever let the always friendly, always smiling Jared know he’d had a secret crush on him since college.

Jensen had long ago learned to keep his feelings, his emotions to himself. He was naturally quiet with a shy side that made him hesitant to be around a lot of people, but Jared’s openness, his ability to just smile and seem to know what to say, had always put Jensen at ease and actually helped him to start to opening up a bit more.

It had been the move to Austin, as well as Jared’s support, that had finally given Jensen the courage to take up photography again after his ex-boyfriend had not only gotten him fired from his last job but had managed to convince him that he was awful at taking photos.

It took Jared literally shoving a camera into his hands while at a park one day and simply telling him to find the ‘spark that he’d once seen’ in him from his art. It had been Jared’s laughing, dimpled smile that Jensen had first captured on that camera and it was still that photo that he would look at when his doubts and fears began to overtake him.

“‘ _You’re a great photographer, Jen. You care about the photos you take instead of just snapping a shot and moving on. You care! And that’s what makes you great at this_ ,’” Jared had told him one night as they sat on the sofa watching an old movie—it had been Jensen’s favorite because Jared had known he’d had a bad day after another telephone fight with his parents over moving back home. “‘ _You don’t have to take some job at a photo studio in a mall or store. You can start your own studio, take your own photos_ , _and make this the dream that you used to tell me that you wanted. I’d love to help you make that dream come true if you’ll let me._ ’”

Growing up in a family that, while not as well off as Jared’s own, had enough to live comfortably, left Jensen having to fight for what he had and what he wanted since he refused to follow the ‘rules’ his family set down. He was a proud man and the thought of taking money or anything more from Jared upset him, but he was also a practical man who understood that if he truly wanted a shot at making his dreams come true? He’d need help.

“‘ _I swear I’ll pay you back every cent or you can take a percentage if I actually get clients. And I’ll pay you back for letting me move in here_ ,’” Jensen had promised once he’d gotten over the shock of someone having enough faith in him to think that he might be able to make a go of his meager skills with a camera.

“‘ _No, you won’t pay me back for either the start-up costs or living here. I’m doing both because we’re friends and I have faith in you, Jensen. I have faith that you will make all your dreams come true and I want to be there when you do,_ ’” Jared replied and then proceeded to do everything he promised and more.

Being active military meant Jared wasn’t always home and Jensen found himself worrying more than he knew he had a right to. Jensen also found himself feeling lonelier than he ever thought he would anytime Jared was called away for weeks _,_ sometimes even a month or more, at a time _._ But he used that time to build and focus on the photography studio that Jared’s generosity had allowed him to start.

Jensen had vowed from the first day he signed his name to the rental agreement of a small building downtown that he would be a success, that he would prove to not only himself but to Jared that his faith in him wasn’t ill given. To Jensen’s surprise, it all had seemed to work.

It was slow at first since there were many larger, more prominent photographers in Austin _,_ but Jared never allowed Jensen to give up. It was through Jared that Open Heart Photography got its first few clients and from them, more soon came until it hit a stunned Jensen that he might have actually succeeded.

“‘ _Of course you succeeded, Jen_! _I told you that you were awesome and now all of Austin will know it,_ ’” Jared had said with a laugh. “‘ _I have faith in you, sugar. All you needed was some in yourself._ ’”

“‘ _No one’s ever had the faith and trust in me that you’ve always shown, Jay. What makes you so certain that I’m worth all the risks you take for me_?’” Jensen had asked and for the first time noticed a change in how Jared was watching him as they stood in the small kitchen to prepare dinner to celebrate that night rather than go out as had been originally suggested.

Jensen’s past had always been an open book but Jared, while always open and friendly, did have some issues that Jensen knew made his friend wary of allowing anyone too close to his already broken heart. So when Jared had laid down the carrot he’d been peeling, wiped his hands on a towel before taking Jensen’s face very gently between them, the younger man wasn’t sure what was happening or what to do.

“‘ _Because I know you’re a good man, Jensen Ackles,_ ’” Jared had said softly and while their eyes met slowly, his fingers traced lightly over Jensen’s freckle dusted cheekbones. “‘ _I knew from the first day we met that while you’re heart might be weak, while it might still make you sick at times_ , _that it was a good heart. That it was a strong heart and one that I hope_ , _one day_ , _I can earn a spot in once you see that not every guy is like that asshole who took so much from you_.’”

“‘ _You already have a spot in my heart, Jay_.’” Jensen hadn’t stopped to think of his reply. He just went with his heart, with his gut, only to realize what he’d just said to his very straight, military best friend and felt his stomach knot with dread. “‘ _Oh my God. I didn’t mean… I mean I did_ , _but… you’re… you…_ ’”

“‘ _I have been waiting since a week after we met for you to give me the chance to do this,_ ’” Jared broke into the rambling words by leaning closer to catch Jensen’s lips in a slow, soft kiss. “‘ _I haven’t been straight since I was 14, sugar_ ,’” he told a wide-eyed Jensen with a slow dimpled smile, dinner no longer important to either man. “‘ _I never told you, never did this before_ , _because I wanted you to see me as your friend, as someone who cared for you as you instead of just your body_ , _before risking taking this step. Trust me to take care of not only you but also your heart, Jensen. Trust me and I promise to never hurt you. Can you trust me, Jen?’_ ”

“‘ _Yes, of course I trust you, Jay_ ,’” Jensen answered and meant every word. Jared was basically the only person in his life that he felt he could trust fully.

Or, he’d felt that way right up until the moment Collins showed up with Jared’s message. Now he struggled to make sense of how his life, how everything that he’d come to know and trust, could’ve gone so horribly wrong.

He and Jared’s love had built slowly but it had been intense. Jensen loved Jared like he had no one else and he’d known Jared loved him back. It wasn’t always smooth sailing since while most of Jared’s friends knew he was gay and accepted it, there had been a couple that just didn’t like their relationship; the man who’d basically just forced him from the only real home he’d ever had was one of those.

Jared had introduced Jensen to his childhood friend, albeit reluctantly, when Misha Collins had called him from out of the blue one day to suggest they get together since it had been years since they’d talked.

It was clear to both men right from that first meeting that the smooth talking lawyer out of LA wasn’t impressed with Jared’s lifestyle outside of the Army and that he disliked Jensen immensely. However, Jared made certain it was known to everyone that he and Jensen were a serious item and that anyone who didn’t like that or Jensen could get the hell out of his life because he wasn’t changing who he loved now that he and Jensen were finally together.

The Army made their lives difficult, but thankfully when Jared was called out it was never for long periods and he almost always called home. Jensen tried not to worry about the risk of life and limb and concentrated on his studio so he didn’t feel the loneliness and worry of Jared not being there.

As the time finally approached for Jared’s last tour of duty to end, it also coincided with the end of his contract, giving him the choice to get out of the Army if he wanted once his final orders were complete overseas. They’d immediately started to talk about getting married, of starting a family.

It wasn’t unheard of for men with a certain gene to be able to carry a child, but Jensen never thought he had it. In all the time he and Jared had made love, and even the few times he and his ex-boyfriend had had sex without protection, he hadn’t gotten pregnant. It had worried him a little about not being able to give Jared a child of his own but they hadn’t seriously talked about things that far.

The night before Jared had to leave for what was only supposed to be a three month tour of duty, they had made love multiple times and still Jensen had to fight not to show how much he hated having to drive Jared to the base.

“‘ _Hey, just keep thinkin’ that this is the last time we have to be apart like this_ ,’” Jared had said in the car while he worked to keep his own voice steady. He’d held his arms around Jensen for one more moment before he had to go be a soldier again. “‘ _I promise to call and I’ve taken care of everything so you don’t have to worry about doing anything but taking care of yourself and taking pictures of crying babies that only you can make stop crying_.’”

“‘ _I can handle everything here. You just promise to come home to me_ ,’” Jensen whispered into the last kiss they shared. “‘ _Just come home, Jay._ ’”

A month and a half later had Jensen discovering that the case of food poisoning he thought he had was something a lot more. And things began to go downhill from there.

Learning he was pregnant was scary enough, considering the less than supportive staff at the local hospital put the fear of God into him over having a child given his health problems as well as multiple other risks. Once he’d calmed down enough to do his own research, he was relieved to realize the risks weren’t any higher for him than they were for women.

Since his own family had officially disowned him when he told them he was engaged to Jared and would be getting married once he returned to the States, Jensen didn’t have many people to tell his news to given that Jared was out of contact range.

Jensen did call Jared’s family who surprised him by being not only thrilled but supportive of him as he quickly came to understand that his body was not going to go through this pregnancy well.

The morning sickness kept him flat on his back for nearly the first three months, which also meant he couldn’t work in the studio. Sadly he realized he would be losing many disappointed clients until he could get over the worst of the sickness and could at least hold a camera without fear of puking on whoever he was taking a photo of.

By the end of the third month, morning sickness was lessening but Jensen was worrying about Jared’s lack of contact. When he’d called the Family Readiness Group to ask about their return, the only information he would get was basic answers about how the mission was running over and how Jared’s unit was still stuck out of contact range and it could be anywhere from a few weeks to nine or ten months until they returned.

Then other issues began to pop up that left the soon to be parent scared even more. His landlord for the studio informed him that his lease wouldn’t be renewed because the owner of the building suddenly decided they didn’t want a gay photographer renting their property, despite the legality of the issue.

The next thing to happen was the joint account he had with Jared was suddenly frozen and the bank couldn’t tell him why. Jensen was left with no way to access the money he’d been left with and once his own from the studio had run out, suddenly the bills for the condo were jacked up.

By the time this latest blow happened, Jensen was eight months pregnant with a very active baby and he was fighting not to break down in tears with every new problem. When Misha arrived that day to basically kick him out onto the street and inform him that Jared had dumped him, it was all he could do not to lose it right then and there.

At first, Jensen had refused to believe the callous man’s sneering words at him but then Misha played a voicemail that Jared had sent him and Jensen felt what was left of his heart break into a thousand pieces at his ‘fiancé’s’ voice on the phone;

“‘ _Misha, look_ , _I know it’s been a couple months since I got back but it’s going to be a little bit longer before I can do this myself_. _I really appreciate you taking care of Jensen for me and handling everything that needs handling so I don’t have to worry about it._ ’”

Jensen wasn’t certain what was worse; hearing Jared’s voice telling that asshole to ‘take care of him’ or the cold, smug smile on Misha’s face as he stood there watching as Jensen threw a few clothes into a single suitcase while fighting to not show the tears that wanted to come.

Jared’s car was locked and Misha had said if Jensen tried to take it that he’d just report it stolen. By then all Jensen wanted was to get as far away from the man and this place as he could, car be damned. So with a few clothes and small items that he could shove in the wheeled suitcase, he walked away with no real clue to where he would go or even how he’d get there.

Austin was unusually cold this time of December so he was glad he’d grabbed the knitted hat, scarf and gloves that he’d gotten from an older woman who worked nights at a tiny diner where he’d been waiting tables to earn some money after he lost the studio-- he’d been trying to avoid having to call Jared’s parents to ask for help. The thin jacket he’d managed to grab was from when he hadn’t been pregnant, so it didn’t fit very well much less fasten to keep the anxious baby inside his swelled belly warm.

“It’ll be okay, little one. Don’t be scared now. I’ll find a way to take care of you.” Jensen wasn’t even aware of how cold he was as he rubbed a slow hand over the swell of his belly to try to soothe his restless child. He concentrated on trying to remember how much money he had in his pocket or if it would even be enough to take the bus to…

A broken sob escaped as Jensen suddenly realized he had nowhere to go. His own family had disowned him for being engaged, so he knew showing up pregnant would cause an even bigger scene than when he came out as gay.

He couldn’t go to Jared’s parents either… if Jared didn’t want him or their child, then he was certain Mr. and Mrs. Padalecki would feel the same way despite being so supportive these last few months.

The few mutual friends he and Jared had were also out for that same reason, and the one friend that Jensen thought he might’ve been able to go to for help was in the same Army outfit as Jared. That left him, once again, alone as well as lost and scared as it fully began to hit Jensen what was happening.

He hadn’t lied to Jared about the baby or being able to have one. He hadn’t _known_ either before it had happened and it just hadn’t felt right to leave a message with Jared’s officer or even write a letter that he was pregnant. Jensen didn’t think Jared would be upset or would think he’d used him given that anytime he’d offered to give him back some money on the studios’ start-up cost, the man had adamantly refused.

Jensen’s temper was mixed in with too many other emotions as he stood on the sidewalk in a smaller section of Austin and tried not to lose it right then and there. The full moon was the only light for him to see as the rest surrounding him were dark, quiet houses and very little traffic on the night streets.

Unsure of when the bus might come, or if it even would until morning, he silently kicked himself for not arguing with the smug Misha more or demanding that he put him in touch with Jared so the man could tell him what was happening himself.

Jensen knew that since the condo was in Jared’s name, he had very little options left to him and he feared for the baby. If he’d gotten into a fight, he knew in his heart that the other man would’ve reacted violently had he refused to leave or had given him his way when he had. Now he realized he should’ve made more of a scene, even if it had involved the police, because maybe that would’ve bought him and his baby time enough to make Jared talk to him and explain his sudden change of heart. Or at the very least why he wouldn’t have told him face to face if he wanted to end their relationship.

Running his hand over his belly again, he slowly felt the baby calm down. A strong wind blew the remaining few leaves off the tree near the bus stop and Jensen felt the cool sting of tears on his face, finally realizing he’d been crying. He felt his chest ache and hoped it was only from emotion and nothing more serious… His eyes widened when he suddenly thought of something and reached for the one item Jared had given him that he hadn’t left behind.

It surprised Jensen that his cellphone was still active. He thought it would be the first thing to be shut off, but since it wasn’t then he’d make one final call before deactivating it himself.

Hesitating briefly he hit the first number on his speed dial list and then tried to settle his nerves while attempting to decide how best to say what he needed to, all while also not breaking into a million pieces the second he heard the drawling Texas accent that Jensen would still be able to hear in his dreams if he let himself.

As Jensen counted the rings, he scrolled through the photos saved on the phone and wished briefly he had a way to save them… but since they were mostly of him and Jared, he supposed there was no sense given his world had just bottomed out.

Just as Jensen was about to give up and prepare to leave a brief message, he heard the phone pick up. But what he heard next was like another dagger in his chest.

“Hello, Jared’s phone! But he can’t come to it right now so give me your message and he’ll get back to you later on,” the too perky, too bright, and definitely too female voice recited cheerfully. “Hello? Is someone here or is this you again, Murray, trying to be cute?”

“Ummm, who is… no, never mind. It’s none of my business who he replaced me with or anything, as long as Jared’s happy.” Jensen squeezed the bridge of his nose, leaning against the bus stop sign and taking a moment to wish he’d chosen a stop that had a bench because he feared if he sat on the cold sidewalk that he might not get up again. “Okay, look, since he had Collins tell me the bad news before kicking me out of the condo and all, I know Jay… Jared probably wouldn’t talk to me anyway. So could you just give him this message?” he asked, plunging ahead before either the woman on the other end could speak or he lost his nerve.

“Tell him I never lied to him about anything. I didn’t know I could get pregnant or that I was until after he’d been gone a month, and by then I couldn’t get him by phone. I planned to tell him everything the first time he either called or came home since I didn’t think dropping this news on him in a letter or even over the phone was a good way to do it. I… I was wrong. I should’ve found a way to tell him before someone else told him so he wouldn’t think I was a liar or using him. I… I… never did either of those things. I love him still but because of things I can’t fight with him over, the things he said or told Misha to tell me--” Jensen knew he wanted to. God, he wanted to either talk to Jared or see him, just to explain. But he refused to make it look like he was begging or make it look like he was using their unborn baby just as a way to keep Jared with him.

“He wanted me gone, told that asshole… sorry, he told Misha to ‘take care of me’, so I guess I called to tell him that it’s done. I’m out of the condo so he can bring you back now if that’s what he wanted. I only took the few clothes that I know I’d bought. He can sell the camera stuff since, like Misha said, those were bought with Jared’s money and… I left his ring in the box in his dresser. I’ll deactivate the phone as soon as I get somewhere with a phone unless he wants to after you hang up.” He paused to draw in a shaky breath, feeling the baby start to kick again as he struggled to keep his voice even and the baby picked up on his anxiety.

“Tell him that… tell him that no matter what happens now, I will always be grateful for the time we had and for the courage to try to make my dreams come true… even if it all fell apart once he’d left. Tell him… that even though he might not believe that it’s his baby or want it, that I’ll find a way to raise our son or daughter but that I won’t ever let his name come out so this won’t hurt his reputation or his families.” Jensen felt his eyes blurring from the tears he vowed not to shed and knew he needed to end this call quickly before he did break down. “Tell Jared I love him and… that I guess I’m sorry for whatever made him stop loving me. G’bye.”

Letting the phone drop back into his coat, Jensen let out a half buried sob and gave up on his effort to stay on his feet. He slowly slid down until he was sitting on the sidewalk, reality slowly beginning to hit him. He stopped trying to hide his tears and slowly, all the broken dreams, the fears and buried anger, came out in brutal sobs and hot tears; the loneliness that he’d fought for years came back ten-fold along with the realization that he and his baby were well and truly alone now.

“Damn it!”

**TBC**

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	2. Chapter 2

[](https://imgbb.com/)

**Loneliness**

**Chapter Two**

“ _Damn it!_ Jared Tristan Padalecki! Get your _ass_ out here before I come in there after you!”

Paige Conaway, 26 year old physical therapist and military brat, had stared at the phone she’d picked up while waiting for her latest client to finish his after-therapy shower for a few seconds before finally whirling toward the shower room door to let out a furious shout.

“What’s up with channeling your father, Paige?” Jared Padalecki asked as he stuck his head out the door while trying to pull his jeans on with one hand and dry his thick dark hair that fell wetly into his face in his haste to see what had caused the young woman to yell like she had. “You almost never cuss at me, except at the beginning, and no one uses my full name except my mother! So what’s… hey!?”

A slim painted nail poked against his bare chest as the petite blond ignored the fact that her patient, a man who had served under her father in the Army until this most recent injury caused his discharge, easily towered over her. She glared up at him and thrust out the phone as if Jared would immediately know what was wrong.

“I thought you sent that ferret-faced dick, who I flat out said I didn’t want in my gym ever again, to Austin to make sure your fiancé was doing alright and take care of any bills or stuff that needed handled before you headed home this weekend!” she demanded sharply.

Paige could still hear the unspoken pain, the loss in the quiet voice she’d listened to and realized that either he’d gotten confused or that jackass hadn’t done anything Jared had told him to do.

As the only daughter of a military family, Paige had grown up knowing how to take care of herself as well as how to read people. The moment Misha Collins had stepped foot inside of the gym she owned and used for her physical therapy practice, she’d know he was bad news. For Jared’s sake, she had held her tongue, but now she wasn’t going to be silent.

“Maybe I misheard you when you told him to ‘take care of Jensen’. I thought you meant make sure he was doing okay since you never told him you’d gotten hurt months ago and discharged! I thought you meant for him to prepare him for you coming home to him by making sure everything was taken care of. I _thought_ you sent him to Austin to tell him the good news that you were coming home!” She knew she was yelling by this point but Paige was soft-hearted and the hurt, the loss, the fear she’d heard in the voice on the phone, broke her heart and pissed her off.

Blinking hazel eyes at the furious pixie-like therapist, it took Jared a moment before he finally caught the wrist of the hand that she was using to poke him with. “Huh? That’s what I did send him there for,” he replied in confusion; not understanding her sudden fury but let out a low warning growl when she used her other hand to slap him upside the head. “Paige, what the hell is your problem?”

“Well, if that’s what you told him to do then I think you needed to specify those instructions better because that sure as hell wasn’t what he did!” Paige yelled, jerking her hand loose and throwing the phone until it bounced off of Jared’s bare chest. “Jensen called you just now. He seems to think I must be your new girlfriend and the reason you sent the jackass to see him was to kick him out of your condo!

“He wanted me to tell you that he’ll make sure to disconnect the cell phone once he gets someplace where he’s able but he left your ring in the box in your dresser. He also said he didn’t lie to you, that he didn’t want to tell you until he could see you because the news that he was pregnant wasn’t something to be said in a letter or anything! He said to tell you that he still loved you but he got it that you didn’t love him anymore! He said… Hey, are you hyperventilating on me Padalecki?” Paige had been yelling at Jared as she stalked the floor in front of him until a sound made her turn just in time to see Jared’s tanned face go almost white and a second later he stumbled back against the wall. “Jared?”

At first, the former Army man had been amused to see Paige so fired up that she was ignoring the fact that he had a good foot and a half on her in height and outweighed her by about 150 pounds. He’d seen her kick the asses of other soldiers in his unit who thought she was an easy flirt, only to learn differently in a painful way, but she’d never turned that temper on him… until that moment.

It took Jared a couple moments to replay some of what she’d shouted in his face and once it had, he suddenly could feel his stomach twisting in sickening knots as he heard her repeat what Jensen had said, as he heard her repeat things in a way that Jared knew in his heart had come from his lover’s mouth, because it was phrased in the way that he’d often heard Jensen use back in college when his self-confidence was at an all-time low.

Jared felt sick as things suddenly began to sink in. He replayed the things that Misha had been saying to him since he woke up in a military hospital after his mission overseas ended with three of his unit dead and several, Jared included, badly injured to the point where the military had given them a medical discharge.

Upon waking up six weeks after being shot and nearly blown up when the op had gone bad, Jared had hesitated on calling Jensen despite every cell in his body wanting to do just that. He’d wanted to talk to him, to hear the man’s voice or better yet to see him! But knowing how badly he was still hurt, Jared had decided to wait until his broken leg, arm and torn ligaments in the other leg had healed enough to where he could at least be out of a bed.

Jared had feared that seeing him so badly hurt, since a good portion of his back and one leg had also been badly burned and the doctor’s had feared he might have some minor brain damage that would affect his ability to walk without help, would scare Jensen too much.

It had been for those reasons that he’d chosen to keep his return a secret until he got the official word that he was fit to be released from doctor’s care and had finished the most rigorous of his PT sessions.

Jared had planned to surprise Jensen this coming weekend but since he wasn’t sure what was happening at home given his parents had been unusually closed-mouth about Jensen whenever he asked them, he’d chosen to ask Misha to go up and make sure any bills were handled and make sure Jensen was okay.

He’d known he’d made Jensen his power of attorney before he’d left the States but had told Misha, a lawyer, to tell Jensen what all that meant and to help him with anything that needed done in both his business and with the bank if they gave Jensen trouble at any time.

Now certain comments Misha had been making, the snide little things he’d let drop when he didn’t think Jared could hear him or the way he talked down about Jensen and tried to make Jared say things other than what he had meant, made his blood run to ice. Then it clicked what Paige had said; Jensen was told to leave the condo and believed that Jared had a new…

“Pregnant?” he suddenly got out through lungs that didn’t want to draw in enough air to function. “Jen’s… he’s having a baby?” Jared’s temper had been heating at the thought of his so-called ‘friend’ disregarding everything he’d told him to do and lying to the man Jared loved and had fought to live for, when that comment hit home and sent him back against the wall. “He’s having our baby and Misha told him… he told him… Son of a bitch! Where’s Jensen now?” he demanded while pushing back to his feet and reaching for his phone where it had landed on the floor. “Paige, did he say… did he say where he was or…”

Paige had watched Jared’s face as it worked through what she’d already said and quickly decided that he really hadn’t meant anything that the ferret-faced moron had said to Jensen. She decided she felt a little bad for spilling the little thing about the baby like she had.

“He just said to tell you that he was out of the condo like you wanted so it was safe for you to bring me home and that he left your ring in your dresser. Jared… he sounded so lost and I could tell he was fighting to not lose it… but at the end, when he said he loved you and that he never lied to you…” She bit her lip while watching as Jared hit a button to call the number back but could tell by the way his jaw tightened that either the other phone was shut off or the man who carried it wasn’t answering. “If you didn’t… I mean, I know you didn’t, but why would Collins make up all those lies? Why would he tell Jensen those awful things and make him leave since he obviously knew he was pregnant?”

Jared was stunned that his former childhood friend had done those things but as he sat on one of the weight benches, staring at the phone in his hand and the ring on his other, he thought back to how Misha had acted ever since meeting Jensen and began to fear he might know the other man’s reasons.

“Misha and I met in grade school and I began to pull away from him and his type of friends before we hit high school because I just didn’t like the rich, spoiled type of attitude they always had. When I came out as gay, Misha hated it and did everything to convince me I was just going through a phase; that I just had to find the right girl so I’d stop thinking kissing a guy was what I wanted to do.” He tried to call Jensen again but when the call went right to voicemail, he suddenly decided on Plan B and started to scroll through his contacts as he stood and started heading for the locker room and the rest of his clothes.

“When I was 16, Misha and a few of his buddies decided to harass and basically terrorize a new kid in our school who was shy, scared of his own shadow and, although he wasn’t, someone they believed was gay. For months they made his life hell and because they were the popular kids, the ones whose folks had money and influence, very little was done to stop them… until the day they took it too far and Jerry was found in the school swimming pool.” Jared paused to look up to see Paige holding out his shirt while listening to him with wide eyes.

“Officially, it was labeled suicide due to stress and bullying, but I always suspected Misha and his cronies did it because they thought he was gay. After that I was done and stopped talking to him until recently… I, stupidly, thought that maybe he’d changed. Looks like I was wrong and he hasn’t changed. Misha’s still a bigoted asshole who sees Jensen as being in the way of his belief that I’m still in a ‘phase’ and saw this as a chance to break us up.” He pulled his shirt on and then reached for his boots, hitting a number on his speed dial list and praying the overly-hyper, former soldier would pick up all while seeing an image of sad, scared green eyes and vowing that he was not losing either the man he loved or the child he carried over someone’s hate.

“Hey, where you at?” he asked once he heard the call pick up. He dug into his bag of belongings for his keys before remembering his car _should’ve_ been with Jensen and not understanding why if Jensen had left the condo he hadn’t taken the car. “Okay, I need a huge favor Chad, and I need it fast. Jensen needs help.”

** Austin, Texas: **

“What the fuck did you say to Jensen?! Where the hell is he and what the hell are you still doing in Jared’s condo?” Chad Michael Murray demanded all in one rush of furious breath after he’d practically kicked in the half open door when the man behind it tried to slam it in his face.

It was very rare for the 6’, blond haired soldier to show a side of his personality other than his happy, teasing, easy going self. In fact, he’d nearly been refused by the Army because the recruiter thought Chad wasn’t serious enough for such a risky life. But there were two sides to Chad and that other side had come burning to the surface the second he’d gotten the story out of a distraught Jared.

It had been Chad who had introduced Jared to Jensen in college in that hope that the open, very friendly Jared might help the quieter and reserved Jensen to become more comfortable with himself. He hadn’t ever planned for them to get together romantically but it thrilled him to see his friends happy and he wasn’t about to see that happiness ruined by anyone; especially not someone he’d always felt was bad news from the start.

“Hey! You have no right to barge in here or… _ugh!_ ” Misha Collins felt his head snap back and almost immediately tasted blood when a fist collided with his jaw, knocking him back as Chad slammed the door shut behind him.

“I have more right than I think you do since Jared told me to come over here!” Chad snapped back while giving the condo a quick look and immediately noticing a change that screamed wrong.

“ _Jared_ told _me_ to come here. He told me to…” Misha began stiffly only trail off and blink when the blond guy that he’d met once or twice and always considered stupid and too playful grabbed him by the front of his shirt to haul him closer.

“Yeah, he told me what he expected you to do. Now tell me what you actually did and why the hell I shouldn’t make you disappear!” Chad had noticed the changes in the front room of the condo the second he walked in and now as he watched Misha try to stammer out his outrage at the intrusion, it was clear what he’d done and what he was still doing at the condo. “Where’s Jensen?” he demanded sharply, waving a hand at the bare walls. “Where are all the photos and stuff Jensen and Jared had up? What the hell have you done?”

Furious at this rude behavior, Misha finally was able to shove Chad back a step but was smart enough to not throw a punch. He might have if it had been anyone else, but something told him Chad would be quick to fight back and able to take him down easily. “Gone! He’s gone and now Jared can finally get his damn head out of his ass and see that this whole ‘gay’ phase has gone on long enough!

“Ever since he started thinking he was better than everyone else back in high school I knew eventually it would come down to me having to clean up his mess! When Jared foolishly started trying to put things in Ackles name while he was gone, like his car, the bank accounts, this condo and on his legal papers, I knew it was time to step in.” Misha stepped back with a sniff of disgust, wiping at his bleeding mouth but keeping space between him and an obviously angry Chad. “I thought when the damn bank froze Jared’s money so the freak couldn’t use it, couldn’t buy food or pay bills, that it would be enough to make him see it was best to leave, but then when I learned it was carrying some freak baby, that he’d obviously lied to Jared about being a carrier… Well, when Jared told me to come here and take care of things? I only did what he said, Murray! I did what….”

“Jared loves Jensen, you racist ass!” Chad was sick as well as furious. He longed to pound the smug man’s face in after he listened to everything he’d done to make Jensen’s life a living hell for these past months, but knew he had something much more important to do. “You had no right to tell Jensen the lies you did but I’ll leave it up to Jared to beat the living hell out of you when he gets here. Where’s Jensen?”

Misha sneered, unconcerned that his friend would find him at fault for just looking out for his best interests when he was too blind and nice for his own good. “I don’t know where the faggot is and I don’t care. He left and now I’ll make sure this place is properly cleaned out and redecorated before Jared and his girlfriend arrive to…”

“Jared doesn’t have a girlfriend! He is _gay_! He is never _not_ going to be gay! And he sure as hell would not have kicked Jensen to the curb just because he’s carrying his baby!” Chad was livid and it took everything he had to not wrap his hands around Collin’s throat. Given the time he feared Jensen had been out of the condo, the time of night it was now and the sudden drop in temperature, he decided finding his friend was more vital than losing a body in a vat of concrete or something else less incriminating. “Jared wants you out of here so you can leave now, on your own, or I can call the damn cops and have them haul your ass out of here for trespassing. Either way, you better not be around when he gets here.”

“Jared will thank me for getting rid of that useless burden!” Misha shouted angrily as Chad stormed past him to go into the bedroom to search for what Jared had told him to find and take with him. Misha trailed after him into the bedroom. “Especially once he learns how he was just using him and his money! When I explain that I helped him out of a hugely embarrassing situation he’ll thank me and…” He cut off when Chad’s fist hit his mouth again. “I’ll have you arrested for assault! I’ll…”

“Considering all the laws you and whoever you paid off to help you have broken, and considering you probably threatened and intimidated a pregnant man to leave his home, I’d say the cops will be more interested in you than me, Collins.” Chad smirked as he pocketed the small ring box. He dug into the closet and growled a few choice words under his breath as he saw ruined clothes and broken photos before pulling something out. “If you touch anything else in this place, I will make sure Jared presses every charge imaginable against you. Now I have to go and try to fix this mess that you so helpfully caused.”

Chad left the condo, ignoring all the things being screamed at his back by a man who was clearly a little off his rocker, and he made a mental note to point that out to Jared right after he beat the crap out of him for not calling him in the first damn place.

While he’d been in the bedroom searching for the ring Jared had said had been left behind, he’d caught sight of some crumpled paper and after a quick glance he knew where to start looking for Jensen.

Since it was plain that Jensen was walking, Chad gave a quick look at his phone after pulling up various bus stops in the area to try to decide which one to hit first given the distance from Jared’s condo and how far a pregnant man could walk.

It stunned Chad to learn his friend was going to have a baby. It didn’t freak him out like it would some in their circle of friends because Chad was just easy going like that. He’d taken the classes in school that explained how some guys could have kids thanks to an extra gene in their DNA and while it made his head spin if he thought too much on the mechanics of it all, to him it was still an act of nature, so he easily accepted it.

“Of course that doesn’t mean I want to know any details of just how in the hell little baby Padalecki-Ackles is coming out of Jensen…” He didn’t think he could handle that image even after some of the graphic things he’d seen and done in the Army. “I try to not think too hard on how they got a baby in there to begin with.”

Chad might be fine with his two best friends in the whole world being gay, but as a straight man with a very vivid imagination there were things he tried not to think too long or too hard on or else it did creep him out a little.

He was just finishing up replying to a text from an anxious Jared when he made the turn onto a street in a part of town that wasn’t as nice as where the condo was located. It was also less populated, so Chad felt his nerves spike a little more even before he caught a glimpse of the figure huddled on the sidewalk next to the bus stop sign. Once again, Chad vowed to make Misha Collins into a dead man at his first available chance.

Shooting off a text with his exact location and a very pointed message, Chad parked the truck but left it running before stepping out. “Jensen?” he called, using the light of the full moon as well as the single street light to see narrow shoulders shaking even through the thin red jacket that Chad recognized from years earlier. “Jensen? Hey, dude, this is so not a good place for you to be and… holy shit! No one said you were about to pop!”

Chad had been walking towards his friend when Jensen slowly lifted his head from where he’d had it buried against his arms and one knee, completely surprised to hear his friend’s voice.

Ever since he’d sat down and stopped fighting the emotions of his broken heart and the fear of what was in store for him and his baby, Jensen had lost track of time it seemed. He didn’t feel as cold as he thought he probably should but it was not feeling his active baby kicking his insides as much that had started to wake him back up. When Chad’s last outburst clicked, Jensen smiled sadly, not bothering to wonder why Chad was there much less not shocked to find him pregnant.

“I am not,” he mumbled, words slurred, voice low and shaking as his teeth chattered so much he feared one might break. Jensen had to blink his eyes a few times to see Chad clearly and felt little cold droplets of ice clinging to his lashes. His tears had turned to ice. “I… I think I have a few more weeks yet and… what… what’re you doing here, Chad?” he asked when he felt a hand touch his arm and wondered when he’d started to cringe from physical contact again.

Chad noticed the slight recoil but decided to let it go for the moment given everything he was beginning to suspect Jensen might have been going through since Jared deployed. “Looking for you and since your lips are blue I think you’d better let me get you up and into the truck to get warm before you end up having a Smurf baby,” he replied with his usual light hearted tone, despite the worry clutching at his heart when he realized how pale his friend was and how glassy his eyes looked. “Dude, how long have you been sitting here?” he asked. “You do know the bus won’t run again until in the morning, right?”

Jensen had thought so but since he had no place else to go to wait and couldn’t use his sparse cash for a taxi to take him to the actual bus station downtown, he’d hoped to keep warm enough to survive the night until the bus did come.

As he felt something wrapping around him, he realized he was still spacing out because Chad must have gone back to the truck for a blanket that he was now trying to get around him and his very rounded belly. When Jensen caught his friend muttering under his breath about no one telling him things, he felt his chapped and sore lips trying to quirk up a little.

“I didn’t… tell you for the same… same reason I never got to tell Jared,” Jensen murmured while trying to take the edge of the blanket in his gloved hands to pull it around him even though he really wasn’t feeling all that cold right then. “You were overseas and… I… I didn’t want you to choke and possibly shoot… your foot off when you… overthought it and… How did you… find out, Chad?”

“Jared told me when he called me to come find you.” Chad was close enough now to get a better look at Jensen and his basic military first-aid told him that he had to get Jensen off the cold ground and into his warm truck ASAP; except his friend didn’t appear to be paying attention to his efforts to do just that. “Jensen, c’mon. Let me get you up so I can take you home and…”

Jensen rubbed his belly until he felt a light kick and then let his head lean back against the sign pole in relief before shaking it. “C-can’t go back there,” he argued softly while his teeth began to chatter even more. “J-Jared thinks I… I lied. He… he has a new girl and wanted me… I never lied to him… Chad. I… I…”

“Jared never said any of that crap Collins said he did, Jensen! He had no clue about the baby or what was happening here, and I don’t think he even knows what happened now since I don’t think he knows half of what you’ve been coping with since we were deployed and he got hurt.” Chad felt his phone buzzing in his pocket but had to ignore it to focus on the pale faced man in front of him. “Dude, he loves you. Plus, this is Jaybird we’re talking about. If he was angry with you over anything, he would talk with you himself. He wouldn’t send that rat faced bastard to do what he did!”

“You said… you said Jay… Jared told you about… me so… that means Misha was right and…” Jensen wasn’t sure if he was stuttering or just cold again but had to pause when he couldn’t make his words come out without being slurred or shaky. “I… I talked to… to his girl…”

“You talked to his physical therapist,” Chad broke in with a frustrated groan, wondering if he slapped his friends in the head at the same time if that would help. “Jared doesn’t have a girlfriend. He has you! He still wants you which is why he called me to come find you until he got up here from where he’d been stuck in Houston recovering.”

Jensen had been trying to wake his brain up while listening to Chad when he blinked. “Recover from what?” he asked when something Chad said and Misha had mentioned sank in. “He… he said Jared’s been home for months but…”

Chad bit his lip, hesitating on this one. He knew Jared’s reasons for not telling Jensen about his injuries. He hadn’t agreed with them when he learned of Jared’s plan, but he wasn’t sure if he should be the one to drop this on his already obviously sick, in shock, and very pregnant friend or not until he heard more of what Misha had said to Jensen.

“Jared… Jared got hurt bad a few months ago so he has been back. But he didn’t want to worry you or for you to see him until he was a little better; which he is now, so he wanted to surprise you! He also wanted to be sure everything was taken care of before he got here…” Chad decided against rolling his eyes on what else he could’ve said while seeing the confused way Jensen was staring at him. “I only got into Dallas last night so Jared must not have thought I’d be in town to do what needed done. He trusted Collins to come up but… not to kick you out, not to hurt you or scare you. Jared’s on his way and…”

Jensen stared at Chad for a long time. He heard the words, heard how sure Chad sounded when he said that Jared hadn’t told Misha to tell him those things, but it was so hard to trust anything right then.

He was starting to feel cold; his head was hurting, his back had been hurting for an hour or so, and now he thought he could feel his stomach twinging. He assumed that had to be just because he hadn’t ate all day and had been upset…

To hear that Jared was hurt, or had been hurt, upset him because Jensen wasn’t sure why his fiancé wouldn’t have wanted him there for support and immediately thought it was because he was angry or upset with him over the baby or his failures to keep the business running or…

_“Jen.”_

Jensen had been so deep into his own head and thoughts again that he’d failed to realize that he and Chad weren’t alone on the sidewalk until he heard his name, or his nickname, spoken. He felt his heart lodge in his throat as he turned his head slightly to his other side and found warm hazel eyes with flecks of golds and blues staring back at him with what almost looked like concern.

“Jay,” he whispered and then silently berated himself for using the name; if Jared had sent Misha to ‘take care of him’ then he wouldn’t want him using it. “I… mean… I… I… I never lied, Jared. I… wanted to tell you in person. I wanted you to know about… about the baby but… I’d never lie or…”

“I know you wouldn’t, sugar. I don’t think any of the stuff you were probably told,” Jared reassured him while slowly letting his fingers reach out as if to touch Jensen’s face, only to stop the moment he saw him cringe as if fearing the touch. “What the hell did Misha tell you, Jensen?” he asked, voice quiet but tight. “Did he try to hit you? Has anyone hurt you since I’ve been gone, Jen?”

“Not… physically. Just everything else seems to be going wrong since a month or so after you left,” Jensen admitted softly, watching Jared’s face for a long moment before cautiously lifting the hand that had been on his belly and feeling it caught and held almost immediately. “The bank froze the accounts, the car got locked and towed because you weren’t here to tell the parking lot people I had permission to use it, the landlord of the studio cut short the lease but I already couldn’t work because of morning sickness and…”

Jared listened to Jensen’s voice as he began to talk in the non-stop way that he knew from before meant his fiancé was both scared and nervous. Though what tipped him off that there was still more to be told was the way Jensen’s Texas drawl was softer but heavier.

“I… I messed everything up, Jared,” Jensen muttered, wincing as he felt another twinge of pain but was focused on Jared’s eyes and then the way his gloved hand had been enclosed in both of Jared’s. “I wanted to tell you but couldn’t. I got your credit probably screwed up since it’s been hard to pay bills without asking your folks for help, and I couldn’t work at the diner lately so I… I guess I don’t blame you if you… umm…” he stopped when Jared’s eyes lifted to meet his fully and Jensen could see the simmering anger reflected there. But yet, when fingers touched his cold face it was with the same gentleness Jared had always shown him. “If you… Chad said you were hurt and that’s why you’ve been back so long. He said you didn’t want to worry me so you didn’t call me. Is that…”

“Yeah, Jen, I got hurt pretty bad and they sent me home to the military hospital in Houston. When I woke up I didn’t want to worry you or scare you about what the docs were saying, so I held off letting you know I was back or that I was coming home until I’d finished physical therapy.” Jared eased a little closer, choosing to ignore Paige’s voice from behind him telling him to watch bending on his right leg. Jared quickly caught Jensen’s face when he saw him pale at the new voice.

“Jen, listen to me. I know whatever the hell Misha said to you today upset you, and I will deal with his ass just as soon as you let me get you up so we can go someplace warmer,” he started but this time was careful to keep his voice low and calming.

Jared had never liked to see Jensen upset, much less upset to the point where he was as pale as he seemed right then and putting his health in jeopardy. He hated how cold he seemed and the way his green eyes appeared to be glazing over more the longer he sat on the sidewalk. “Why the hell didn’t you get him into your truck?” He shot this demand at a frowning Chad. “His lips are blue, Chad! He and the baby need to get warm and… huh? Jensen?” He glanced down at the feel of trembling gloved hand trying to move one of his down until he caught on to what the other man was trying to do.

Jensen wanted to believe what Jared was saying but given everything that had been happening lately to what Misha Collins had said, it was hard to trust at the risk of his already bruised heart. He’d heard the young woman’s voice cautioning Jared on his movements and he’d tensed as he recognized her voice.

Jared’s hands on his face felt warm and tender, much like Jensen could remember his lover always being, so when Jared started to growl at Chad for not moving him someplace warmer he decided to put his doubts and worries aside for the moment to take Jared’s one hand, moving it down until it touched his sweater covered belly.

Noticing the thin red jacket had Jared gritting his teeth because while he feared he knew why Jensen might not have one to fit him now, he did know he had a warmer coat. He then recalled Jensen telling Paige that he’d only taken what he knew for sure he had bought himself... “God, you’re so cold. We need to get both of you into the car or… oh my God. Is that…”

Jared had been trying to shrug out of his jacket while not losing contact with Jensen in some way when suddenly he felt the barest movement under his hand, going still as he knew he probably looked stunned when he lifted his eyes up to see Jensen’s lips curving up into a small, tired smile.

“She or he is usually more active but I think… I think the cold might be making her or him as tired as I feel right now,” Jensen replied quietly while watching the shock on Jared’s face turn to something like awe as he felt their child move again. Jensen bit back a small gasp and grit his teeth as this time the pain he felt seemed sharper. “I… I didn’t want to know what it was yet… not that the clinic was all that… helpful anyway. I… your Mom made them stop scaring me with all the horror stories of sick babies or worse things once she learned I was going there and…”

“Mom knew you were pregnant and Mom didn’t tell me?” Jared made a low sound in the back of his throat but then thought that maybe his parents had both been dropping subtle, and more recently not so subtle, hints when he’d talk to them or when they’d visit him. Then what else Jensen said clicked and he latched onto it. “Whoa. Clinic? What clinic? That clinic on the waterfront? The one whose lobby doesn’t look clean enough for a family of rats to enter? Why the hell are you going there instead of our doctor and I want names of who tried to scare you with making you think you might be sick because of your heart issues.”

Regardless of his doubts or how he still worried Jared might not care about him, it still made Jensen smile at the outrage he heard now as Jared muttered about stupid people and suing if he found out Jensen and the baby weren’t cared for just because he was a pregnant man.

“There was an error in my health insurance or something. I… I didn’t fully understand but they said I didn’t qualify for my plan unless I paid about $2500 a month. And then for baby care it would be $4000 a month and I wasn’t on your plan through the military because… well… that’s only for spouses. Even if we get married it doesn’t cover partners in that sense and…” Jensen realized he’d been talking non-stop when a hand touched his face, making him open his eyes that had closed while he ignored the last twinge of pain. “What?”

Jared had been torn between continuing his rant over a lack of care, choking Chad for not already having Jensen moved, or finding out just who the hell fucked with things that he knew he’d taken care of before he even left the goddamn State, much less the country, when he noticed the way Jensen’s hand was now squeezing his along with how pale and tight his face was looking.

“What’s wrong, sugar?” he asked once he got Jensen to look at him, seeing that glassy green eyes were now even glassier looking. “Is something hurting or is it just the cold? I want to take you home so we can talk and…”

“Uhhh, yeah, that probably won’t be happening. There’s an ambulance on its way,” Chad said from where he’d stepped away to make a call while Paige was digging in the trunk of her car for another blanket and a small first-aid kit. “That’s the other reason I hadn’t gotten him up and into my truck yet when you got here. His water had just broke and… dude, I love you both like brothers, but I swear if I end up delivering a baby on a sidewalk I will never speak to either of you again!”

“Huh?” Two sets of stunned eyes looked at Chad before looking at each other again. “Oh, shit,” was a dual opinion a second before Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles lives were never the same again.

**TBC**


	3. Chapter 3

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**Loneliness**

**Chapter Three**

“It’s okay, sugar. You’re doing great. I know it hurts but…”

“The moment you try pushing a bowling ball out of your body for 15 hours of non-stop pain then you can say that you know what I’m feeling, but until that momentous moment happens? Shut the fuck up and let me crush your hand!”

“I love you, Jensen.”

“Remember that if I happen to break your fingers and call you more names than I already have?”

“Jen, you can call me as many names as you can think of and considering what you’ve gone through because of my stupid, so-called friend? I think I might let you break more than just my hand. Now, how about givin’ this doctor another good push so our baby can come out and meet us?”

From the moment Chad informed them that Jensen had gone into labor on the sidewalk to right now, it had been 15, almost 16 hours of hell for both men. At first when the paramedics arrived on scene it had seemed like they were hesitant to even treat, much less transport, the very pregnant man to the hospital Jared instructed them to go to. He wanted Jensen at the hospital where his insurance and the insurance that he’d made damn certain before he left had covered Jensen, was accepted.

“Refuse this man, this very pregnant and very much in labor man transport and I promise that you will have a team of lawyers hot on your asses before noon,” Jared had snarled into the lead EMT’s face, fingers holding onto the clenching hand he could feel tugging his. “No! You are not going to that damn clinic! First, it isn’t set up to deliver babies and second, a rat wouldn’t have its babies there.

“You are going to the hospital and I will be pointing out to the insurance, the staff, the administration and my parents that you _never_ should’ve been forced to go to that place at all!” He looked to see fear in Jensen’s wide eyes, only getting bigger as it began to sink in that their baby was coming. “Mom and Dad should’ve made sure you had a real obstetrician that saw people in a real office and was associated with a real hospital. They also should’ve told me if you were having insurance issues because then it wouldn’t have mattered if I was injured or stuck in a bed, I would’ve gotten it fixed.”

Jensen was trying to listen to the EMTs call out his vital readings as well as the baby’s and also listen to Jared as he was placed on a stretched and then into the waiting ambulance. “Your Mom and the Colonel did offer to cover my expenses or to tell you but… I didn’t want you to think that I was using them or you for either money or name, so I… I… tried to make it on my own. Don’t yell at them for my mistakes, Jared,” he pleaded once Jared was allowed into the ambulance after another near physical confrontation was avoided when a smirking Chad shoved his phone into the EMT’s hand.

“Your boss wants you, dude,” Chad said and then nudged a glaring Jared into the ambulance while Paige was calling after them that she’d meet them at the hospital.

“Jared, stop growling and focus on the fact that your fiancé is having your kid and you seriously need to suck up in order to make up for what that asshole did earlier!” Chad scolded Jared and gave him a look as the taller man settled himself in the ambulance.

“I’ll do that and I’ll take care of that little problem just as soon as both Jen and the baby are safe,” Jared replied before slowly blowing out a breath, making himself calm down so he could return his focus to the young man he loved. “It’s going to fine, sugar. You’re both going to be fine,” he promised, taking Jensen’s shaking hand once the other paramedic was finished taking vitals.

Jensen was trying to stay positive but he knew he’d been wrong to go out in the cold like he had. He silently prayed that his fears hadn’t hurt the baby more than his already weak heart and a lack of prenatal care might have.

“I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you sooner,” he said softly while making his eyes stay on Jared’s and not on the needle that was about to be inserted into his arm. “I wanted to but… it just felt wrong to tell you on a phone. Now I guess I should’ve and maybe this wouldn’t have happened or…”

“It’s over, Jen. We both made some mistakes trying to do the right thing for the other, but now we’ll make all the right choices for this little one.” Jared squeezed Jensen’s hand when he felt him start to tense at the needle and reached his other hand up to Jensen’s cheek to keep his face turned toward him. “I’ll be right with you when we get to the hospital.”

Jensen gasped at the feel of pain that was now spreading through his lower body. He listened to the calm paramedic, an older lady with a gentle touch and kind eyes specifically for the nearly panicking father to be, as she talked him through how to breathe properly to get over the contraction.

“They… won’t take me, Jay,” he managed to say in between shallow, fast breaths. “I… I don’t have insurance and nowhere close to enough cash so… _shit_! If this hurts this much now… how much worse will it be when the baby comes out?”

“Honey, this is nothing compared to what you’ll feel at that moment,” the older lady replied with a calm smile, patting Jensen’s hand when his eyes about bugged out. “Trust me though, once you hold your little baby in your arms you will forget all this pain and… probably the vow to never let this big strapping hunk touch you again.”

Jared’s lips curved a little since he figured he’d be lucky if Jensen talked to him after this much less let him close enough to kiss him. Right then he just wanted to reassure Jensen before he got himself anymore worked up over the financial side of things.

“Jensen, I’ll take care of the insurance stuff as soon as we get there if Chad or Paige haven’t handled it already,” he promised, leaning closer when he saw Jensen try to shift his upper body towards him and Jared suspected he knew why. “You are on my insurance and your insurance is in my name, so you never should’ve been told you weren’t eligible or had to pay more since I paid those premiums up to cover the time I was supposed to be deployed.

“You should’ve had power of attorney for all my affairs including the bills, the bank, the car; anything you needed you should’ve had no problem getting it taken care of.” Jared thought he might now know _why_ that had changed and he planned to see the man who somehow managed to get all of his wishes dismissed, even overturned, pay to the full extent of the law. “Misha must have somehow gotten those papers nulled or didn’t even file them since I was running out of time and trusted he would do as I asked. I’m so damn sorry for everything you’ve gone through or had happened, sugar. I will make it up to you… if you’ll let me,” he promised softly.

Once the current burst of pain subsided, Jensen let his head lean over to rest on Jared’s shoulder. He heard the anger in Jared’s soft voice but now understood that it wasn’t aimed at him but the man who had clearly worked so hard to break them apart.

“He always hated me, Jay,” he murmured. “If he hadn’t taken me off guard by barging in shouting I might have been able to think it through more but… this last month has been so hard that I let him scare me and when he said you’d come back… but I hadn’t heard from you…” Jensen lifted his head to see the guilt now shining in Jared’s eyes. “I believed him. I… I doubted you and I’m…”

A finger on his lips stopped Jensen from apologizing. Jared knew why Jensen had reacted like he had and didn’t blame him for anything. He blamed himself plenty, for if he had told Jensen he’d gotten injured and was back, then nearly all of this could’ve been avoided.

“We’ll have time to talk, Jen,” he whispered as he pressed a soft kiss to Jensen’s brow while feeling the ambulance slowing down as it arrived at the hospital. “I want you to concentrate on controlling your breathing. Listen to Paige, she’ll help you until I get all this crap straightened out and you’re admitted. I love you, Jensen,” Jared added before the ambulance stopped and the doors opened.

It took Jared over 90 minutes of growling, yelling, calling various people at the upper hospital levels, his insurance company, his former commanding officer as well as his team of lawyers before he was finally reassured that his partner, soon to be husband, would get the best care available and so would their baby.

The head of the hospital, a longtime friend of Jared’s military father, arrived an hour later to sternly talk with his head of staff before offering his deepest apologies to both men for any issues that prevented Jensen and the baby from receiving care at his hospital or from his staff.

“Talk to me if either of them are hurt or sick after he gives birth,” Jared had growled, still unhappy but knowing he needed to focus on Jensen now as a team of doctors and nurses had finally gotten the man settled in a private birthing room. “If Collins shows his face anywhere close to this hospital or steps foot in the lobby? You text me, call the cops and tell Chad to do whatever the hell he wants to,” he told Paige as she was stepping out of the room to let Jared take over. “I will not let him near Jensen or our baby.”

“I’ll handle it, Jared,” she reassured him with a smile, patting his arm and tossing Jensen a supportive smile. “If that backstabbing little ferret steps foot in this place and Murray doesn’t get to him first? I will kick him so hard where his balls should be that he’ll be needing surgery. Now, go help him and don’t hit anyone.”

Now, almost 15 hours of grueling labor had Jensen struggling to find the strength to do what was being asked of him. He’d refused the offer of drugs since he feared how they might affect the baby. Now he was regretting that decision as he gripped Jared’s hand tight enough that his knuckles were white and Jared had actually grimaced once or twice.

The attending doctor, a silver haired Hispanic man who hadn’t even blinked twice upon stepping into the room to see his latest patient, glanced up after checking to see how they were doing. “I know you’re tired, Jensen, but we just need a couple more good, solid pushes. Then both you and this little one can rest. Can you do that, son?”

Jensen’s head was slumped back against Jared’s shoulder as he tried to regain his breath and gather enough energy to do what he was being asked to do. “I… I’m scared, Jay,” he finally whispered, feeling Jared’s lips brushing his temple as he desperately tried to ignore the sounds of too many machines making sounds that Jensen feared weren’t right.

He’d heard one of the nurses telling the doctor that his heart rate was getting too high during the worst of the contractions but yet they said his baby’s heart seemed a little too low. Jensen feared not for his life but that of the baby he’d sworn to protect despite his own health issues.

“You’re going to be fine, sugar.” Jared had overheard the same soft conversation but had hoped Jensen had been too focused on crushing his hand and working through the contractions to hear it. “You’re doing great. It’s been a really long day and you had a traumatic day before you went into labor. You’re tired but I swear to you that you and the baby are going to be fine.” He could see the worry as well as pure exhaustion shining in green eyes that were still a little too glassy for Jared’s liking.

“I believe in you, Jensen,” Jared whispered against Jensen’s ear, giving tense fingers a light squeeze. “Believe in yourself as much as I do and push.”

Jensen blinked his eyes clear to see the doctor gazing back at him with support. “Fine, but I swear the next time we have a baby you’re going to be the one pushing a little human head out of your body,” he muttered sourly but let Jared and a nurse help prop him back up a little more so he could push with as much strength as he had left.

“That’s it, Jensen. Just another good long push like that and we’ll have this baby born,” the doctor was saying over the sounds of his patient using some rather colorful language in regards to his partner’s anatomy.

“If… either of you say ‘we’… one more time, I will hurt someone!” Jensen gritted out and glared at the room in general, struggling to push harder when he felt the pressure start to change.

“Okay, here we… I mean, I see a head!” The doctor was quick to rephrase himself when a growl was thrown his way. “You’re doing great, Jensen. Just one more good hard push and… there she is!”

Jensen fell back against Jared gasping, struggling to regain his breath and get the sound of his heart pounding from his ears when he heard the doctor and went still. “A girl?” He saw a nod just as he heard Jared ask the question that was choked in Jensen’s throat. “Why isn’t she crying, Jared?” he demanded, panic starting to build when suddenly the room was filled with a loud, very unhappy, cry as the newborn infant showed everyone what she thought of the experience. “Oh my God.”

Jared had buried the brief burst of fear he’d felt when the baby hadn’t cried right away but the moment she did, the moment the smiling doctor held up the wriggling little girl and instructed him on how to cut the cord, he was hit with a rush of emotion.

“Is she okay? What are they doing to our baby? Where is she?” Jensen was asking all in one breath while tugging on Jared’s arm. Jensen was struggling against the bed, trying to move as if to get up until a shaking arm wrapped around him and brought him against Jared who had sat back down on the bedside with him. “Jay?”

“They’re cleaning her up a little and doing all the stuff they do to new babies, Jen. They’ll let you hold her as soon as they’re done with all that,” Jared reassured the worried young man as he gently held Jensen against his side, nodding his thanks to a nurse for handing him a glass of ice water for Jensen to sip while they waited for their daughter to be brought over. “She’s beautiful, Jensen,” he murmured and finally saw the start of a shaky smile on Jensen’s rugged but pale face. “She looks like you, sugar.”

“God, I hope not,” Jensen muttered without thinking but was so focused on watching what was going on across the room that he missed the way Jared tensed as well as the frown that crossed his face briefly. “You’re not disappointed that it wasn’t a boy?” he asked after a second, chewing his bottom lip nervously when that nagging worry began to filter into his brain.

“No, of course I’m not disappointed,” Jared snorted but then frowned when he realized with all that Jensen had been through since he left for deployment that the man’s self-confidence had taken a serious dent and that he did truly fear that Jared might be upset that their first child wasn’t a boy. “Jensen, look at me.” He carefully tipped his fiancé’s face up so their eyes could meet. “What the hell has been going on while I’ve been gone?”

Jensen was finally so spent, so exhausted from everything that had been happening since the other day when he’d thought the rest of his small world had been yanked out from under him, that any shields he’d been trying to keep up so Jared wouldn’t see his worry, his fears and his self-doubt were gone.

From the first day that Chad had introduced them, Jared had always been able to read Jensen’s face. He could tell his true feelings and emotions just by watching his expressions, his eyes and the way his hands moved or he chewed his lip.

Jared had thought that since they’d started dating, since they’d gotten engaged and Jensen had achieved a piece of his dream by starting his own photo studio, that they’d gotten past the worst of Jensen’s fears and self-doubts. Now as he watched him, listened to him speak and felt the slight shake of too thin shoulders, Jared understood that he had a lot of work to do now that he was home for good.

“Jensen, this is not the place or time for me to start to undo everything that you’ve been made to think or believe. You’re tired and you’ve been put through a hell that you never should’ve gone through.” Jared let his fingers brush over a pale cheek tenderly. “Right now all I want you to do is understand, and I hope believe, that I love you and our daughter. I am not upset that our first child isn’t a son because I am just thrilled that both you and the baby are both with me and healthy.”

Footsteps sounded and both men looked up. Jared knew the moment the smiling nurse placed their daughter, now cleaned up and wrapped in a soft pink blanket, in Jensen’s arms that anything else would be forgotten for the moment.

“Oh wow,” Jensen breathed out, his nerves, his worries fleeing the second he held his daughter against his chest and felt her tiny fingers moving around his finger. “Jay, she’s so tiny. She looks so fragile,” he murmured while trying to listen to the nurse as she began to ask him if he would be doing a natural feeding or a bottle. “Huh? Oh. I… I don’t know. The clinic never told me too much about… that and I… I’m going to be a horrible parent.”

“No, you’re not. You’re just a new parent who wasn’t given any lessons on what to expect,” the charge nurse spoke up from where she was filling out papers once the doctor was finished with his post-birth exam. “You’ll get plenty of help now and I’ll be around to answer any questions or concerns either of you boys might have.”

Jared quickly decided he would be paying that clinic a visit, but right then he was happy to just watch Jensen’s face as he smiled. “I love you,” he whispered against Jensen’s ear. As he ran a finger lightly over their daughter’s soft cheek, he was immediately reminded of Jensen’s skin; he decided to not mention the light dusting of freckles he thought he could see on her rosy little cheeks. “I love you both. Can I kiss you or will that get me slapped?”

Jensen glanced over, eyes shadowed and heavy from lack of sleep, but his lips did curve slowly. “Yeah, since you let me crush your hand and cuss you out I guess you earned a kiss,” he said before yawning at the same time as the baby yawned, her bright eyes seeming to land on her parents.

“Sugar, you did all the hard work getting her here. I think you deserve a hell of a lot more than a kiss, but we’ll figure that out once I take you both home.” Jared chuckled as he leaned closer to lightly, almost chastely touch Jensen’s lips in a slow kiss that broke when a low cough was heard from across the room and the phone in Jared’s pocket vibrated.

“Jared?” Jensen saw him scowl at the phone, tensing as he brought the baby up closer in his arms as if fearing someone might try to take her from him.

“It’s all good, Jen. I’ve got to go handle this and then I’ll be right back up.” Jared had been hoping he could avoid any scenes at the hospital but guessed by Chad’s text about a ‘capital crime about to be committed in the lobby’, that he wasn’t going to. “Hey, it’s okay. No one is touching you or our baby,” he promised after seeing Jensen’s hands shaking as he held the cooing infant a little tighter.

“You let them help get you cleaned up or into a gown and I’ll make sure Chad’s not sending himself to the gas chamber.” He eased off the bed but not before letting his hand rest on Jensen’s thin shoulder and meeting huge eyes that were missing so much of the confidence Jensen had gained in their time together. “I’ll handle Collins. Then you and I can bat baby names around. Unless you’ve already picked one?”

Jensen hated the thought of Jared leaving them even to go to the lobby; irrational fears and worries that somehow Misha Collins might convince Jared of every negative thing he’d told Jensen earlier. Feeling the warm hand rubbing over his shoulder, he finally lifted his eyes up and Jensen shook his head in response to if he’d chosen a name.

“No, I didn’t know what the baby was so while I jotted down a few we can use one you pick for her,” he answered as he reached out to catch Jared’s hand before he stepped away from the bed. “Promise me that you’ll be back?”

Jared heard and recognized the old fears and insecurities he now heard in Jensen’s voice but worked to not let on. Instead, he gave a reassuring smile, leaned down to brush a kiss over Jensen’s lips and then gave a softer one to the top of their daughter’s head. “I’ll be back up just as soon as I clear up a few things and have someone kicked out of the hospital,” he promised quietly.

Pausing just outside the door, Jared looked back to watch Jensen hold and cradle their daughter while the older nurse stood just to the side offering little tips or corrections. He saw the worry still etched into Jensen’s brow but he also saw the love on the ruggedly handsome face for the small, little pink bundle.

“Are they both okay?” he asked the doctor who he saw in the hall as he was on the way to the elevator. “Jensen’s had heart issues since he was young and he didn’t receive proper pre-natal care for either him or the baby. Can you tell if they’re both okay or…?”

“Well, we’ll be keeping an eye on both of them tonight just to be safe since Jensen’s blood pressure was a little more elevated than I liked but given what I was told of some circumstances leading up to his water breaking I might be willing to overlook that a little,” the doctor replied after checking the chart in his hand before looking up at Jared. “The baby however seems fine but because of Jensen’s past health issues I will keep her under observation just to be sure she’s doing well,” he said, smiling at Jared’s nod. “Your family will be well taken care of now, Mr. Padalecki. I also hear from security that there’s a disturbance in the lobby and that someone was tackled when he tried to barge into the elevator to come to this floor.”

Jared’s jaw clenched but he managed to let his fingers uncurl, for the moment. “Yeah, I’m heading down to take care of that right now, Doc,” he replied and stepped into the elevator where he took a slow breath in an attempt to rein in the temper that the former military officer could already feel building.

The moment the doors opened, however, Jared heard the disturbance from near the main entrance. As the words being screamed hit his ears, Jared didn’t think even his best attempts was going to be successful in keeping himself calm.

“You crazy bitch! You can’t do that to me! I’ll have you arrested for assault!”

“Oh, go ahead and try, you ferret-faced, backstabbing liar! I’m sure once Jared gets started on all the lies you’ve told, the things you’ve done, that the cops will be more interested in you than little ole me kicking you where your balls should be! That’s if you even had any, Collins!”

“Yeah and let’s also not forget that if you so much as bruise little Paige here? That her Daddy can bring down the whole United States Army on your ass… or drop a missile on your car!” Chad Michael Murray put in helpfully from where he stood, not interfering despite wanting to. He was poised to move if he felt he had to get involved.

Chad had been pacing the lobby since he arrived at the hospital. He’d decided it best to stay by the main entrance since he knew that the odds were good that somehow he would find out Jensen’s water had broken and someone as arrogant as Misha Collins was would have to make an appearance. It took longer than he honestly expected but he wasn’t disappointed when he saw the man storm through the main doors and head for the elevator, shouting demands and curses.

Security had already been told by administration to be ready if any trouble happened, so two guards had already been approaching when a furious Misha found himself confronted not by a still angry Chad but a well and fully pissed off Paige. And that was when things got interesting, as far as Chad was concerned.

“You have no goddamn right to even be close to this hospital!” the petite young physical therapist was still furious, standing in front of a glaring and hateful Misha with her hands on her hips while the hospital security as well as two local Austin police officers stood nearby as if waiting to see who to haul out in cuffs.

Misha sneered into the young woman’s face. It was only the presence of that asshole Murray and the goddamn cops and security that kept him from doing what he’d like to after she’d had the guts to kick him in the groin. “I have every right to be here, bitch! I’m Jared’s friend! I’m his power of attorney and am in control of…”

“Absolutely fucking nothing.” Jared’s hard voice had heads turning to watch as he stalked around the information desk with his eyes on his now former friend, motioning Paige to back away. He looked to the two uniformed officers and said, “I want him removed and placed under arrest for not only intimidation, threatening a pregnant man who was due to give birth at any moment, but also for forgery, lying, theft, manipulation and probably a hell of a lot more once my lawyers dig into everything he did to hurt Jensen.”

“Jared.” Misha blinked, not expecting his friend to be there much less to sound angry with him. “What’re you saying? I… I just did what you… _ugh_!” He grunted when hard fist struck his jaw and then found himself hauled up by the front of his shirt until he was nearly nose to nose with a pissed off Jared.

“You did _not_ do any of the goddamn things that I either told you to do or asked you to make sure was done when I had to leave early!” Jared growled, voice tight with almost no trace of his normal Texas drawl which was a sure sign that he was angry. “How the hell can you say that you did? How can you even show your face here, near me, near the man I love and who just gave birth to our daughter, after what you almost cost me?”

Misha tried not to let on how those words made his skin crawl but when Jared’s eyes went to hot slits at the same time as his fist tightened in his shirt, he suspected he wasn’t successful. Quickly, Misha schooled his expression, still trying to get a handle on this situation until he found a way to turn it back to where he thought it should be.

“Jared, you told me to take care of things for you and I did!” He struggled against the grip that almost had his toes off the floor, gasping when suddenly he was given a hard shove back and had to scramble not to lose his balance. “I knew you were a little shook up about this last deployment, so I fully understood that you probably weren’t thinking straight when you made a few of those decisions!” Misha explained, straightening out his shirt. “So of course, as your friend, I was only too happy to change things around and make sure your interests were protected and not damaged!”

Chad blinked in surprise at not only the words but the tone used before taking three steps forward to latch onto Jared’s arm when he saw the tall man’s fist clench and guessed where it would be aimed. “Does this place have a psych floor?” he asked one of the staring guards from the corner of his mouth, adding with a roll of his eyes. “I’m seriously thinking this guy needs it before he lands his ass in the ER… or the morgue.”

Jared was just staring at the man, not believing what he was hearing. “You…” He stopped to shake his head. “I asked you to explain what being my power of attorney would mean for Jensen, Misha. I named him that because we weren’t married yet and while he’s on, or was on since I’ve been told that someone ‘acting under my orders removed his name’, my bank account, I needed him to know that he had authority to do what was needed! He should’ve been able to take out however much money he might need to live or pay for things, both his and ours. I wanted Jensen to have all that power so he could take care of himself while I was gone.

“You were supposed to explain that since Doug at the office tends to talk in legal-speak. I thought you might be able to explain it in a way Jen could understand. You were not supposed to fake another set of papers giving _you_ that power.” He took a step forward, anger simmering as he could still hear Paige yelling at him for what Jensen believed and how scared Jensen still looked over the doubts and trouble he’d been put through.

“You were not supposed to strip the man I’m marrying, the man who just gave me a beautiful little girl, of any goddamn thing!” Jared saw the sneer of disgust cross Misha’s face and his arm snapped out, grabbing him by the throat this time. “You are still nothing but a racist son of a bitch who almost cost me everything!” Jared heard someone shout for him to stop but ignored it as he glared down into Misha’s shocked face.

“It will take them some time but the moment my lawyers backtrack all the lies, the forged papers, the money you’ve paid people off with and can prove you were behind all of Jensen’s troubles since I’ve been gone? I will make _damn_ certain you lose your license to ever practice law and you go to jail!” He saw a flash of Jensen earlier sitting on the sidewalk in the cold and longed to wipe the sneer off Misha’s face right then. “You had no right to tell Jensen anything that you did.”

“I told the freak the truth!” Misha shouted and shoved against Jared until he stepped back, furious that even now this giant moron didn’t understand that he should be thanking him. “You still think you’re gay, but…”

“I am gay!” Jared yelled back, angry but also feeling guilty because he should’ve known Misha hadn’t changed and it was his fault he’d let him close to Jensen. “Nothing you do, or you say, or you try to turn to your warped view will _ever_ change the fact that I am gay. I am in love with Jensen, I am going to marry him, and God willing we might even have another kid.”

Misha’s eyes widened and his face turned red as his fury exploded. Lunging forward, he went to throw a wild punch, only to have his blow miss when Jared easily turned his upper body to avoid it. “You were tricked! You’re being lied to and used and you’re too goddamn stupid and soft-hearted to see it!” he practically screamed.  “I’ve given you plenty of chances, time and help, to come to your fucking senses and see the truth! Yes, I forged a new power of attorney paper and never told anyone about that one you wanted people to use, the one that left that… that _person_ in charge of everything you own!

“If it had been up to you, he would’ve stolen everything you had to pay for that joke photography studio, redecorated your condo even more hideously than it was, probably traded your car in on a mini-van and bought ‘baby’ crap for a kid that’s probably not even yours!” The wildness in Misha’s eyes had Jared preparing for an attack that he was sure would be coming. Jared jumped slightly as the two officers slipped past him on their way to Misha. “What are you jackasses doing?” he demanded, outraged when his shoulders were grabbed. “I’ve done nothing but try to help! That faggot upstairs is the one who needs to be arrested! He lied! He stole from my friend! He’s nothing but a whore and a-- _ugh_!”

Jared’s fist connected with enough force that even the cops were moved back a half a step. “Call Jensen one more name, say one more thing wrong or insulting about him or our baby, and before these cops haul your crazy ass out of here I will make you bleed,” he warned in a low voice that was radiating pure anger and protection. “Jensen never lied, he never stole. He was on my accounts so he could have access to the money to pay for his studio, pay the rent, the utilities.

“If he’d wanted to trade in my car for a mini-van? Then he damn well could’ve because it was what I wanted! He also never should’ve lost his health insurance because I’d made certain that was taken care of before I left. However, when I called earlier to be sure he and the baby would be covered here, I was told you called and had it cancelled.” He glared at the furious man, while still thinking about everything that he suspected had been happening and feeling guilty that Jensen had been battling it all alone and he’d known none of it. “You overstepped what little bounds you had, Misha. You have hated that I came out as gay back in school. You and your little group of bigoted friends cost one boy his life all because you _thought_ he was gay but no one did anything because of your rich parents.

“You could’ve just cost me not only Jensen’s life but the life of our baby girl and I will press charges against you for every count that my lawyers and the State of Texas can make stick!” Jared promised and meant it, meeting the shocked look fully as he took a step forward but made no further move to touch his former friend. “Ignoring the forgery, the lying, everything you did at the bank, the insurance companies, and probably even the dick who rented the studio to Jensen… the moment I get out of him everything else that he’s been struggling with, I’m sure I can pin that on you as well and you will be lucky if you’re just stripped of your law license.

“I will also, by day’s end, have a restraining order slapped on you that bars you any contact with anyone in my family, and especially my soon to be husband and our child,” he went on and hoped it would be that simple. “We are done, Misha. I had hoped in the years since school that you’d changed or at least came to understand that I wasn’t going to change. I guess I was wrong. This last crap stunt you pulled proved it. I want you gone. I want you out of this hospital, away from me, and away from Jensen and the baby.”

Misha stared at him, not believing what he was hearing. He tried to jerk free of the cops only to hear the sound of cuffs rattling as his arms were suddenly jerked behind him and he realized that Jared was serious about having him arrested; an act that both stunned and infuriated him.

“I wish when I’d paid those assholes to beat the faggot up a couple months back that they’d done more than just rough him up!” he shouted at Jared’s back as Jared was starting to turn away to speak to the head of hospital security. From the corner of his eye, Jared saw an older man in a suit that had just arrived making his way towards them. “I wish they’d killed him and that monster he was carrying! In fact, I hope they both suffer an accident and…”

“Alright, that’s enough! Get Mr. Collins the hell out of here before someone else decides to shut him up on their own.” James Gibbs, lawyer to Jared’s family since before Jared had even been born, snapped furiously while latching a powerful hand on his client’s upper arm. “I want him in a cell and because of what he just foolishly shouted in front of a lobby full of witnesses, I think he just put himself in a cell for the next 15-20 years.”

Jared’s whole body had gone numb with shock and then he felt his blood pressure soar with anger at what he’d just heard from the man now shouting threats and curses while being dragged from the hospital. It then chilled him to know that Jensen had been attacked, had probably been hurt.

“If I had just told him that I was back, even though I was hurt, if I had just told him then maybe half this crap wouldn’t have happened to him,” he whispered, angry with himself and not happy with his parents who he hoped didn’t know half of this was happening. “I want everything Collins did fixed. I want Jensen’s name back on everything that it was removed from and you’d better get that asshole building owner for illegal eviction or something,” Jared told his lawyer, deciding he’d been down there too long and needed to get back up to Jensen, needed to see again that he really was okay. “Find out what else he did and then what I have to do to make any charges stick. Now, I have to get back to my family.”

“Hey! Do I have a goddaughter?” Chad called from where he’d stayed by the door in case Misha managed to get loose from the cops and security. “And if I do, does she have a name yet so I know what to have the plane write when I hire a skywriter?”

Pausing at the elevator to look back, Jared laughed at the look of teasing mischief on his friend’s face. “I’ll talk that over with Jensen and we’ll decide on a name. But if you hire that plane? I can promise that Jensen will probably kill you before letting you near her,” he added with a knowing smile as the doors closed. Jared used the ride up to the maternity floor to make sure he was calm again.

He figured he’d be kicking himself for the next few months as he got more out of his fiancé about what had been happening since the day he left for deployment, but right then Jared understood it was vital to keep Jensen calm and help him as best as he could as they both adjusted to being back together and to their new addition.

Seeing the charge nurse at the station, Jared gave her a smile which she warmly returned before going back to the chart she was writing on.

“He’s feeding her right now but we got them both settled. If either of them or you need anything, you just push that buzzer and I’ll be right in,” she called out to him.

Jared nodded, pausing by the door a second to be sure the item he’d gotten off of Chad earlier before the ambulance brought Jensen to the hospital was still in his pocket. He pushed open the door but then just stood there to watch the scene in front of him, throat tight with emotions unlike any Jared could recall feeling before.

Jensen was sitting propped up in the bed, holding the baby up in his arms and letting her suckle from one nipple while watching her with a look of both awe and amazement. “The nurses said since my tests came back clear of anything from the meds I took years ago for my heart that I could try to feed her like this,” he spoke softly and without looking up from where their daughter’s tiny fist was kneading as she got her tummy filled.

Even with his full attention on the baby in his arms, Jensen had known the moment Jared was close without even hearing the door or seeing him standing there watching. “They said if she took to feeding from me this way that it was healthier for her to be breastfed for the first few months and then I could start to bottle feed her.” He slowly looked up with tears shining in green eyes. “They said that some babies born to men won’t feed and have to be bottle fed but… she just latched on and… God, Jay, she’s so beautiful.”

“You’re both beautiful, Jen.” Jared had managed to swallow the lump in his throat by the time he crossed the room to sit on the edge of the bed, sliding his arm around Jensen and, carefully so he didn’t disturb the baby, eased him over to lean against him. Jared immediately felt the tension in Jensen’s body relaxing. “Have you thought of a name yet?” he asked while running his tongue over his teeth as he briefly debated this next part. “Chad’s hiring a skywriter so he sort of wants to know her name.”

Jensen settled a little more against Jared; the same familiar sense of warmth and security that he’d always felt coming back to him and he felt himself finally starting to relax. He’d been running the tip of a finger over their daughter’s soft pale hair and down her cheek with a smile when suddenly Jensen paused a beat and lifted his eyes up to see Jared fighting not to laugh.

“Yeah, I think I might have a name we can start with and no, Chad is not hiring any skywriter,” he replied but paused to let their daughter switch sides to continue her meal and smiling more when Jared’s hand covered the one that he had resting over her back. “I… was kind of thinking about… Charlotte… But if you don’t like that then we can name her…”

“I think it’s a great name. I love it and it just seems to fit her.” Jared did like the name. He also like the lightness that came to Jensen’s eyes, shadowed with exhaustion. “Are we hyphenating her last name since I know when we talked about getting married you said you wanted to keep yours but add mine?” he asked while trying to dig into his pocket without moving too much.

Jensen could feel his eyes getting heavy and guessed his body was finally going to crash but was trying to wait for Charlotte to finish. “No, I already told them regardless of her first and middle names that her last would be Padalecki.” He looked over to see what Jared was doing, only to go still when he saw what was being held out. “You…” he stopped to swallow hard.

“I had Chad get it when he went to the condo before he found you,” Jared explained softly, holding out the ring box with Jensen’s ring inside. “There are so many things I want to apologize and make up for that I don’t even know where to start, Jensen. I never meant for any of this to happen and I’m kicking myself for what I did because in trying to not upset you, I actually set you up to hurt in far worse ways by Misha.”

“I… I’m not upset with you, Jared. I just wish you would’ve let me know you’d been hurt so I could’ve at least been with you, told you about the baby instead of fearing maybe you wouldn’t want her or me like _he_ said.” Jensen had been thinking more about everything and guessed it all made sense that all of his problems and issues had been the cause of one hateful man.

The baby gave a tiny hiccup which signaled she was finished and after a few moments of lightly patting her back Jensen heard her burp which he was assured would often be accompanied by some spit. He held her in his arms, shifting so Jared’s arms could wrap around them both. The family lay in comfortable silence until the same older nurse came in to place the now sleeping baby in a small bassinet by the bed.

Jensen nervously watched his sleeping daughter until slowly Jared convinced him to lay back so he could finally get some sleep. He did so reluctantly, but instead of stretching out with his head on the pillow, Jensen chose to use Jared’s shoulder for a pillow like he had so often before.

“I promise to make everything right again, Jen,” Jared said quietly, letting Jensen settle against him before wrapping one arm around him. He watched as Jensen took the ring out of the box with shaking fingers to stare at it a second before slipping it back on his hand. “I’m done with the military and while I don’t know yet what I’ll do next, I swear to help you still have that studio and we will give Charlotte a good and loving home.”

Jensen still loved photography and he was upset with how he lost his little studio, but he suspected right then that he’d be busy learning how to be a good parent to their little girl. “I’d like that… Maybe when she starts school,” he replied, eyes getting heavier as recent events finally began to take a toll and he soon stopped fighting the need to sleep. “I just want us to be a family, Jay. I just want to marry you, make a family and put all this behind us.”

“We are a family, sugar,” Jared assured him, tipping Jensen’s face up to kiss him slowly and gently, without heat. “And I swear that this will be behind us and no one will ever make you doubt yourself or me or what we have together again.” He saw Jensen nod and then watched as his lashes finally fluttered closed, the remaining tension slowly leaving his body as he turned more into Jared’s chest, his hand reaching up to mesh with Jared’s.

“Jared?” Jensen’s voice was sleepy, his eyes still closed but he needed to tell Jared something else. “I love you,” he murmured, yawning as he pried one eye open just enough to look up at Jared. “There’s… nothing for the baby at the condo yet.”

Hearing the soft guilt in Jensen’s voice reminded Jared that he had plenty of things still left to do before his family went home.

“I love you too,” Jared returned quietly, brushing a kiss over Jensen’s hair as he settled back to hold the man he loved while watching their daughter sleep; a warm smile crossed his face as Jared began to relax. “And don’t worry about the condo or there not being anything for her there. There will be.”

**TBC**


	4. Chapter 4

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**Loneliness**

**Epilogue**

** 11 Months Later, Austin, Texas: **

“Jared, get her before she crawls under the pile of leaves again!”

“She’s an explorer… a _bored_ explorer, sugar. And hey, I thought all you had to do was put the camera on that tripod thing and aim it this way? You’ve been setting it up for 90 minutes and… hey, didn’t she start this family photo shoot out with a bow on this headband?”

“Yes, but she hates it so she probably lost it when she tried to crawl into the leaves earlier. I’m almost finished. It also hasn’t been 90 minutes… maybe 30.”

Lips curving, Jared Padalecki reached down to scoop up their crawling daughter just as she headed toward a pile of colorful autumn leaves for the third time that afternoon.

“Daddy is a perfectionist,” he stage-whispered to the bright eyed little girl who squealed back with happiness reflecting in her green eyes.

“Oh, and you’re not?” Jensen Ackles-Padalecki shot back with a smirk as he looked at the screen on his camera to be sure the light would work for the shot he wanted for this portrait. He stepped back to watch his husband and daughter sharing goofy grins and as Jared tickled the baby to keep her distracted as he picked leaves off of her little denim outfit. “According to Chad, you painted Charlie’s room three times until you got the right color combination of pinks and purple.”

“Colors are very important to a baby’s natural development! That’s what the lady said at the store while I was flipping a coin to see which crib and changing table to buy.” Jared shifted the baby to his other arm before kneeling down on the red and black plaid, flannel blanket that had already been carefully laid out between the scattered leaves and the piles. “Jen, come over here with us.” Jared held out his free hand and then waited. “This is why photographers don’t take their own portraits, dude. I should’ve let Chad man the camera.”

Jensen rolled his eyes but kept his opinion on that suggestion to himself. He peeked at the screen again before deciding it was as good as he was going to get and set the wireless remote up so he could take the shot once he got his family settled.

Taking Jared’s hand, it still amazed Jensen that their daughter, Charlotte Christine Padalecki, was nearly a year old. In fact, she would be turning one in a matter of three weeks. Even now, whenever he looked at her it still brought back the fears and worries he’d had of not only possibly losing her but losing the life he and Jared had been making together.

Because of the lack of prenatal care—and just a lack of care in general—Jensen had let his body get run down during his pregnancy. When his blood pressure dropped suddenly the day after giving birth and several blood tests came back signaling a definite lack of vitamins and a lower than acceptable white blood count, the hospital decided to keep him an extra few days while he could get stronger and they could make sure the baby hadn’t inherited his heart issues.

In those extra few days, Jared had called in massive favors not only from Chad but others in his old unit to help him prepare, and in some cases repair, the condo.

Jared refused to leave the hospital until his parents had arrived, because he didn’t trust leaving Jensen and Charlotte—or Charlie as she’s been quickly nicknamed—alone in case Misha made bail or he had others try to cause trouble for the new parents.

Knowing his former military father still carried a weapon of some kind on him at all times, as well as knowing his mother’s purse was heavy enough to kill if she had a cause to swing it, Jared reluctantly left Jensen with them to go take stock of things at their home. Once inside, he had to remind himself that he could not go and break his former friend’s neck the moment he saw the broken pictures, the ruined furniture, and clothes that in his efforts to ‘cleanse the condo’, Misha had viciously destroyed.

The condo was large enough so that the baby could have her own room. While a few friends went to work on removing everything that had been broken and Paige offered to go shopping for new decorations and clothes to replace Jensen’s damaged ones, Jared went to work on turning the spare room that had been his game room into a nursery.

Jared spoke to the manager of his building to ensure everyone there understood not only what had been happening but also about the changes that would soon be happening in their home. He changed the locks as well as the security codes for his alarm system; he would never allow Jensen to feel unsafe in this place again.

While he was out buying paint and furniture, Jared stopped by the police station where his lawyer was already present to file out the proper complaints and also fill out the paperwork to request a restraining order against Misha in case the man made bail.

In a matter of three days, Jared had split his time between the hospital, the condo, and doing various things either in person or by phone to fix, straighten out, or in a few cases threaten to sue over, what was done to Jensen emotionally and financially.

“If my fiancé’s name is not back on all of my accounts by end of business today, not _only_ will I pull my business out of your bank, not _only_ will my family stop using your bank, but I will sue your asses for not looking into a crazy jackass’ _clearly_ forged papers when you, the manager, was the one Jensen and I dealt with when I put him on in the first goddamn place!” Jared glared at the stuttering bank manager before eyeing the President of the bank who had been friends with his family since Jared’s grandfather first started banking there. “My accountant also says that well over $34,000 is missing from this account,” Jared pointed at the check register on the table between them before continuing and addressing the President, “And it wasn’t Jensen’s name on the paper that removed it, so… I’m also considering who I have to call to handle that, unless you have plans to fix your banks mistakes?”

“Jared, you and Mr. Ackles have my deepest apologies for this travesty,” the tall, silver haired Texan was quick to say once Jared gave him a chance. “I had no idea any of this was going on. If I had, I would have put a stop to it and fixed it right away! I wish he had come to me the moment he started having-”

“He tried to but your prick of a manager here wouldn’t let him see or talk with you.” Jared smirked at the glare of hate he was now being given from the manager. “When he tried to call, all the calls were routed to _this_ guy. I’m now going to assume a portion of my missing money probably went into your pocket to help Collins pull the crap he did? I suggest you fix it or my lawyers will.”

The bank was one of the more difficult things to have repaired, but a phone call late that night from the bank President himself while Jared was sitting beside Jensen in the hospital watching as he fed their daughter, assured him that all was well and any missing bonds or money would also be replaced by the next day.

“Also, as a way to show how sorry my bank and my family are for what Jensen has been put through, the stress of worrying about money and bills on top of being pregnant, I wanted to tell you that I opened a college fund for your daughter with a starting amount of $25,000,” he informed Jared. “I hope you and your family will be customers for a long time to come. I should also let you know that the manager Jensen dealt with has also been fired.”

“How much yelling or threatening did you have to do to get that done?” Jensen had asked once Jared told him what had been said while he was burping Charlotte.

“I only threatened to drop them and have my folks drop them as well. I also might’ve said I’d sue,” Jared replied with his most innocent look. Once the baby was placed in her bassinet, he sat back to have Jensen move against him. “Now… what Mom threatened when she hit that bank like a whirlwind is a totally different matter.”

Jensen knew with Jared’s temper that more had been said, but all he was concerned with right then was getting strong enough to go home with his family.

By the time Jensen’s health had improved enough that the doctors felt he could be released, they were also happy with the weight that the baby had put on. Her heart didn’t appear to be weak at all, and was in fact beating healthy and strong, which helped ease Jensen’s fears. On a Saturday afternoon, Jared was opening the door to the newly redecorated condo for Jensen and Charlie.

“Welcome home, Jen,” he murmured once he’d shut the door and then held his breath as Jensen took in the new living room furniture, the repaired and in some cases replaced artwork on the walls, and hoped not too much negativity remained for him.

Jared had considered moving to another place, he’d even brought it up to Jensen one night, but the man had refused, saying that if they moved that it would be giving in to both Misha Collins and to Jensen’s own inner fears.

It took a couple weeks of being home, of having Jared there, before Jensen finally began to feel relaxed there again or like it was _their_ place instead of just Jared’s.

He’d laughed when Chad told him how many times Jared had painted the nursery until he got the right colors that he felt matched in the way he wanted and how many rockers had been bought and returned because it didn’t ‘rock correctly’, or it ‘squeaked’, or it didn’t ‘speak to the other baby furniture’.

“He feng shui’d this whole place, dude!” Chad exclaimed in between playing peek-a-boo with a cooing Charlie. “Wait until you try to put a vase in a different spot. He will probably go off of an hour lecture about the vibes in the room like he did the other day.”

“Hey! I just wanted all the negative energy out of here before Jen and Charlie got home,” Jared called from the kitchen where he was checking on dinner. “I didn’t ask you for an opinion considering if I had let you paint the nursey it would’ve been hot pink and neon green!”

The hospital, as well as both Jensen and the baby’s new doctors, had both given instructions on the best foods to fix for Jensen to eat to increase both the vitamins and nutrients his body so desperately needed. Jared made sure to always fix dinner when possible as Jensen still tended to skip meals or go for quick things for himself.

By the third month, things had almost gotten back to normal for the couple… or as normal as it could be for two new parents with a baby who seemed to like waking up at 5:15 every morning.

“I think she’s on military time,” Jared had mumbled a week after it began to happen regularly and he realized that his daughter wasn’t crying anymore when she woke up but was just waking up to begin her day at that time. She would not go back to sleep no matter if she was fed, rocked, or even sang to. “She wakes up at the same time, drops for a nap at noon regardless of what she’s doing, and goes to sleep at 10 every night.”

“Well, she is your daughter.” Jensen laughed as he changed their always happy and active daughter out of her sleeper and into her day clothes. “She might grow out of it… or she might not. And I might hurt you for having the military in your DNA so much so that it rubbed off on our baby.”

Adjusting to having a baby was hard on both Jared and Jensen as it meant a lot of changes to their lives, but Jared adjusted well. He’d never been one for going out with his friends and enjoyed staying home with Jensen, but he still had some issues of his own, post injury, to deal with on top of Jensen’s own emotional issues that hit shortly after Charlie’s birth.

The doctors had warned them both that it was natural for even men to deal with post-partum depression, especially considering the emotional stress that Jensen had been under for months before.

Jensen only had one seriously bad day where he’d curled up with Charlie on the new king-size bed in the master bedroom and refused to talk to Jared until late that night when he woke him up with a shaking hand on his chest.

“While you were at the store yesterday and helping your Dad, the lawyer Collins’s family hired called me,” he began in a voice that, while quiet, still showed the fear and worry that Jared had hoped he wouldn’t hear again. “He… he said that if I didn’t tell you to drop the charges against his client, or if I testified that he threatened me and about the things that he did… Social services would be called and… I’d lose our baby. He said that gay men shouldn’t have children and that if we wanted to keep Charlie that… you had to drop the charges and issue an apology.”

“Oh, is that what he said?” Jared woke up all the way and sat up, flipping the bedside lamp on to look next to him. He was already simmering just at the thought of a lawyer, a man who knew the law and knew that any contact with either of them outside of Jared’s own lawyer was not allowed, had basically just tried to threaten and intimidate Jensen. The first glimpse of Jensen chewing his bottom lip as well as tears in his eyes at the fear of losing their baby finished pissing him off. “Yeah, that’s just not happening,” he growled and reached for his cell phone while letting his other hand move over to slowly touch Jensen. “Give me a second and then I’ll tell you what is going to happen.”

Jensen had been battling his own self-doubts since giving birth like most new parents, but to basically be told what he had been, on top of all the other things that he still hadn’t told Jared that had happened from before, it had all hit him too hard that day.

He’d seen the anger on Jared’s face when he’d finally revealed what he had, almost cringing away from the gentle touch of fingers stroking down his face while Jared dialed a number on his cell phone.

In quick, short sentences, Jared explained what was happening and what had been said to Jensen by the other attorney. “It’s in the restraining order that any contact with him or me by anyone involved in this case has to be handled through your office!” He dropped his voice a little when he felt the man beside him pull back a little when it raised.

“Misha, his family, his damn lawyer can’t call, come close to, or do anything unless it’s in front of you and the judge. That asshole broke the no contact order, so you’d better be on the phone the second you get off of it with me and call a judge because I will _not_ have Jensen scared or threatened that someone from social services is going to show up on our door to take Charlie from us!” Jared guessed he shouldn’t have been surprised since he’d seen what the Collins family would do for their perfect son, but it still made him furious. “You sit back and let someone try to take our daughter just because we’re gay and this state will see a lawsuit like it has never seen before!”

Jared half listened to his lawyer trying to calm him down, but all he was concerned with was Jensen and reassuring him. Once he disconnected and fought the urge to throw his phone or go put his fist in someone’s face, he turned towards Jensen.

“First, if anyone ever calls here, calls you or tries to talk to you on the street, I want you to hang up or walk away, okay? And the moment you do, you either call me if I’m not around or you call Gary at the law office so he can handle it,” he began in a tone that was firm but not angry. He waited to see Jensen nod before he slowly eased back closer to him. “Second, no one is going to take Charlie from us because we’re gay. That’s been illegal to do since the 1960’s when the rights of a pregnant gay man became just as protected as any woman’s rights.

“We don’t do drugs, you have a clean bill of health and I’m almost there. If they say we can’t support her financially since right now you’re not working and I haven’t gotten a full-time job yet? Then I’ll turn my father loose and use the weight behind the Padalecki name to its full advantage.” Jared had a hunch that before this case was over that he’d be doing just that because he knew Misha’s family would soon start to stooping much lower to try to get him out of trouble.

“I won’t let anyone take her, Jen. I _promise_ that this all will work out. But I need you to trust me, sugar.” Jared framed Jensen’s face between his palms and let their foreheads touch. “I know we still have a ways to go. I know a piece of you still believes everything he said to you. But if you trust me now like you did in college? We will get over this. Can you, Jensen? Can you trust me?”

Jensen did trust Jared, but it was still hard to overcome everything of the past year or so in just a few weeks, never mind on top of how crazy his hormones seemed to be since having Charlie. It was the feeling of warm breath ghosting over his cheek before Jared’s lips touched his skin that helped him to relax again. “I do trust you, Jay,” he replied and meant it.

As it turned out, once the legal team employed by the Padalecki family was turned loose, most of the intimidation stopped. Soon Jensen was able to let himself get comfortable with being a parent and newly married.

It hadn’t gone over well with Jared’s family when they decided to just go the courthouse to be married, but both men just wanted it done and decided to do the big wedding once their daughter could walk down the aisle as a flower girl.

The service was simple, the dinner with family and friends was less so since Jensen’s new mother-in-law had decided since she couldn’t plan a wedding yet that she’d plan a reception. Which was how Jensen found himself standing out on the patio of the Austin Country Club, bouncing Charlie in his arms after she’d started to cry.

“She missed her nap and there are too many people inside all looking or pinching her, so I guess she just had a meltdown,” he said without looking over, knowing Jared was there. “Sorry. I’ll get her calmed down and I’ll apologize to your folks for…”

“Dad just went on a military style lecture about pinching or getting in the personal space to his little recruit, so you don’t have anything to apologize for.” Jared shared their daughter’s angst right then since he was having some serious issues with all the people, the noise, and too many eyes as well as questions about his injuries and his discharge.

Jared rarely talked to anyone about that last mission. He did finally show Jensen the scars and had explained some of it because he’d suddenly started having vivid nightmares that would send him waking up violently; he’d needed Jensen to understand what not to do when one of those occurred.

The doctor at the military hospital had explained to the couple that it was actually normal for PSTD to not show up right away, especially given how distracted Jared had been since waking up in the hospital and then returning home to quickly become a father as well as all the legal issues they’d been facing.

“I could recommend therapy and I will, but from what I could see earlier when you introduced me to Jensen and Charlie, I actually think if you learn to trust like you ask Jensen to and let yourself open up to him, stop being afraid that he’ll shatter if he learns the whole truth about that botched job or your injuries, then I think that young man and that gorgeous baby will be what helps you,” the doctor said once he was done checking Jared over to see how he was healing.

Jared handled things as best as he could but he had slowly started to talk to Jensen more about that last mission, his injuries, the fears he’d had while in the hospital and why he’d kept him away during that time. There were still moments when he had to fight to not withdraw or lose his temper, like that night at the country club when he felt almost suffocated by people he hadn’t seen in years and who were mainly looking for gossip.

Hearing his baby start to cry had nearly been the straw that broke his will power to not punch someone, but a look from his father as well as Chad’s sudden voice over his shoulder telling him to go outside allowed him to regain some of his shaky control.

Stepping up to where Jensen stood with a clearly tired and sulky six-month old Charlie in his arms, Jared took his reaching daughter into one arm while wrapping his other around his new husband before kissing Jensen deeply.

“Let’s go home, sugar,” he whispered once he broke the kiss and gave a babbling Charlie her own light kiss on the nose, simply because Jared knew it would help to make her happy again. “I’m done socializing. I want to spend tonight with you… after all, it is our wedding night.”

Jensen was about to argue that they couldn’t be rude and just leave, especially considering the cost and time Jared’s mother had put into the night, but upon hearing Jared’s reminder about this being their wedding night he realized that other than a few heated kisses and some fooling around, they hadn’t had real sex since before Jared had deployed. “Let’s go home,” he suddenly agreed and loved the way Jared laughed at his speedy agreement to ditch their own party.

Charlie had calmed down from crying and her whimpers slowly became soft, little sniffles. By the time they got back to the condo and by the time Jensen was half finished giving her a bath, she was already asleep and sucking on her thumb.

Jared stood in the door of the nursery to watch Jensen easily slip the sleeping baby into her favorite pink camo sleeper before placing her in her crib. He smiled at the way his husband still made the same motion with his fingers down baby soft hair, freckled cheek, and to the hand not being sucked on just like he’d done from the first time Jensen had laid her down in the hospital.

“Think she’ll sleep past her usual wake-up time?” he asked softly since he knew Jensen would hurt him if he spoke too loudly and woke her back up.

“Doubtful, but since she missed her nap today and has been cranky—I do think you’re right and she might be starting to teethe-- we might be lucky and she’ll sleep until 5:30,” Jensen replied once he was sure Charlie was sleeping fully and peacefully, turning to Jared with a smile. “Got plans, Mr. Padalecki?” he asked teasingly as he took the hand that had been held out to him and allowed Jared to give a gentle tug out into the hall.

“Oh, I have a few ideas for our honeymoon night, Mr. Ackles-Padalecki,” Jared returned with a smile, shutting the door to the nursery after making sure the baby monitor was turned on so they’d hear their daughter in case she happened to wake up during the night. “Want me to show you?”

“Definitely.” Jensen went with the tug that soon had them in the master bedroom with clothes dropping from the hall to the bed. It had been well over a year since they’d been together, but it wasn’t until he felt deft fingers undoing the buttons of his shirt and sliding it down his arms that Jensen felt the first surge of nerves. “Jared, I…”

“You’re still gorgeous, Jensen. Having the baby has not changed that in any way.” Jared knew Jensen had always battled self-consciousness over his looks since before they even moved in together as roommates thanks to his first boyfriend’s constant putdowns.

He had worked hard to reassure the man before that he was more than good looking, but had noticed since having Charlie that Jensen had started getting more uneasy with undressing or changing in front of him again. So when Jared felt him tense as he slid the dress shirt down from his narrow shoulders, he suspected the reason.

“I know you’ve been worried about losing any weight left from being pregnant,” Jared began while beginning to slowly kiss, caress and worship Jensen’s still lean and rugged body. He laid him back gently on their bed like he had the first time they made love, locking eyes as he spoke. “I know it’s hard for you to see yourself like I do, especially after everything that happened while I was gone, but if you’ll let me… I’ll prove to you that all those worries you’re having aren’t true.” He stretched out on the bed beside Jensen. “Let me love you, Jen?”

“For the rest of our lives, Jay,” Jensen replied, voice deeper, huskier than usual as he began to relax fully into Jared’s touches as they made slow and passionate love for the rest of the night.

After that night, it seemed like both men were able to put the recent past to rest and accept that they only had their future to concentrate on. Jared still had some issues with his PSTD, but for the most part he coped well and accepted a job at a local security agency in Austin until he decided what else he wanted to do.

Misha Collins went to trial, and despite a surge of attempts to force the couple to drop the charges or recant Jensen’s story, a judge found the arrogant man guilty on all 21 counts and sentenced him to 10 years, with eligibility for parole after five.

Jared was less than pleased but for Jensen, he was just happy it was over. Jensen had started thinking about taking on small photography jobs that weren’t too involved or ones where he could take Charlie with him since he wasn’t ready to try the whole studio scene again. At least not until he was confident their finances were more stable, despite Jared assuring him that they were.

Misha had smashed or broken a good deal of the camera equipment that had been in the condo, so one day while they were out shopping for new clothes for a quickly growing little girl, Jared had pulled Jensen into a store in the mall and told him to pick out what it would take to replace those items.

It was having a camera in his hands again, snapping photos of their daughter as she played on the condo floor and as she began to learn to crawl, that finally had Jensen feeling good about everything again.

He worried sometimes about Jared’s job but understood that Jared couldn’t just take a 9-5 job or work someplace safe yet. He was still too military to be able to do that and be happy doing so, so Jensen learned to not worry as much as long as his husband came home to dinner on time.

Jensen knew he was still a little manic about some things, and he worked on trying to not expect everything to be perfect. By the time Charlie was 11 months old, he thought he’d done well managing that except for when he was behind the camera. He still strived for those perfect shots, smiling when Jared reminded him that any photo he took of either them or their daughter would always be perfect to him.

The idea to take their first family portrait in a local park once most of the leaves had turned to glorious fall colors had been Jared’s. He knew Jensen was dying to play with a new camera lens that he’d purchased with the funds he had earned after taking photos for a former squad mate of Jared’s wedding.

Now as Jared kept Charlie from crawling away again, he tugged on Jensen’s hand until he joined them on the blanket. “We doing this like we talked about?” he asked since Jensen had already explained how he’d seen the picture in his mind. “Or should we just let our kid throw leaves in her face?”

“She can do that after I take this shot.” Jensen laughed and took Charlie into his own arms to brush her off again and fix what was left of the headband, smoothing a hand over her blond hair that was a shade lighter than Jensen’s own. “You can too if you want,” he added when he shifted a hand back to fix Jared’s unruly hair and the collar of his shirt.

“Hmm, wait until this weekend when Mom and Dad take Charlie to spoil her some more and I’ll show you what I’d like to do that involves you, me, and that camera set-up back at the condo,” Jared murmured against Jensen’s ear as he brought him back against his chest with Charlie held in Jensen’s arms.

Jensen blinked and had to shove those images aside for the moment, catching little fingers just seconds before they could push the button on the remote for the camera. “Huh,” he grunted once he thought he could speak. “I think we can do that… if you can promise me Chad’s not going to drop in without calling again.”

“Yeah, he learned his lesson quite vividly the last time he stopped by on a ‘baby’s gone to grandparents’ weekend.” Jared figured their friend probably wouldn’t come close to their condo without calling for at least a year considering neither of them had been expecting Chad to use the spare key they’d given him to pay a visit one weekend a few months back.

“Fine, if that’s the case? Once your folks pick Charlie up I’ll let you play with the camera.” Jensen had never been fond of having his photo taken because he still wasn’t comfortable with himself, but he had recently allowed Jared to take a few of him with the baby and loved how happy it had made him. He guessed he’d see what else his happily smiling husband had in mind.

Jared held his family in his arms and Jensen took the shot just as a light breeze blew to blow some of the loose leaves up into the background for an almost perfect addition to what turned out to be the perfect family portrait.

For Jensen, a man who had come so close to losing so much less than a year earlier, just hearing the matching laughs of the man he knew he would love forever and the daughter that their love had created, made him forget all of the worries and fears of those days.

“I will never know that loneliness or that fear ever again,” he whispered to himself and then moved to take down the camera. He slipped it into his camera case before joining in the fun of whatever Jared and Charlie were doing in a pile of leaves that had them both laughing with matching dimples, and Jensen couldn’t wait to see what the future had in store for them.

**The End**

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed this story and if you're on LiveJournal, go over to the artist's journal page and let her know how much you liked her awesome piece of art. More stories to come soon.


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